It’s a contentious issue, loaded with potential for passive-aggressive exchanges- how do you and your family handle Mass attendance when visiting relatives that don’t understand your faith? There are several possible scenarios out there- Christians of good will who think it’s more important to stay home with family instead of going to Church on Christmas, fallen-away Catholics who are bitter at the Church and look down on those who still go, and even well-meaning family members who’ve packed the schedule so full that you don’t know how you’ll be able escape to Mass without incident. So here’s the question:
How have you learned to set your schedule when visiting non-Catholic family so that you’re able to have a quality visit, and yet still be able to get to Mass or other liturgies?
Here’s what some of our members and readers had to share on the topic:
“I look up a couple of Catholic parishes in the area I’m going to visit before I go. My friends and family all know I will be going to Mass, and that it’s non-negotiable. I’ve never had a problem.”
Rosemary, via the CHNetwork Online Community
“When I would visit my protestant brother, I simply located the parish nearest to his home (via masstimes.org) and our family went to the Christmas Eve Vigil Mass. My brother and his family were very understanding. Over the span of many visits, it became our parish away from home and is now our permanent parish since my family has moved back to my home town. I’m thankful that there was no visible tension during our visits and our need to attend Mass was respected.”
HD, via Facebook
“They know I’m going to Mass no matter what at the time most compatible with family plans. They know I would be delighted if they accompanied me and sometimes they do, especially Christmas Eve.
On our last trip to see one of our daughters and her family, I went alone and my little granddaughter asked me why I did that. She genuinely wanted to know. So I told her in simple terms.”
Howard, via the CHNetwork Online Community
“When we first converted, we would attend a Mass at a time that would meet our obligation, and also allow us to attend a service with our Protestant family as well.
On the rare occasions that their church received communion, we abstained.
Several years later, with the kids older, our family has come to expect that Sunday morning everyone goes their own way and meets up afterward. But in the early days, we ‘double dipped.'”
TL Putnam, host, Outside the Walls Radio Show
“I find a Mass at the same time as my sister’s church service. She drops me off, picks me up, and we go out to brunch. Jesus and Pancakes!”
Elizabeth, via Facebook
“I like the idea of being matter of fact and not making a spectacle. A firm statement of intent goes a long way. I found early on that if I just put it out there (‘we’re possibly thinking about contemplating the idea of maybe seeing if we might go to the 8:30 Mass…’) people didn’t believe we were really that serious about it. Saying something more like ‘we’re PLANNING on going to the 8:30 Mass’ lets everyone know it’s really important to us, and doesn’t leave ambiguity. I’ve found that if people understand it’s important to you, even if they don’t understand why, they’re more respectful about it.”
Matt Swaim, Outreach Manager, The Coming Home Network International
“They texted last week, ‘we are up, breakfast is ready, come on over’; we texted back, ‘going to Mass at your nearest Catholic church, see you in about an hour’. No one mentioned it when we arrived, but later someone said, ‘how was church?’ A nice opening…..right?”
Bibiana, via Facebook
“I always notify ahead of time to those that we are visiting that we will be going to Mass (and give the time). I never request special favors, like holding breakfast until our return, or even that other events not take place. We will catch up. After a couple of times, I’ve found that these same friends or family accept that this will be the norm of our visits and out of love, we are always respected.”
Mary Lou, via Facebook
If you have something to add, please share in the comments! For those who are new to the Catholic faith, practical issues like this one can be especially nerve-wracking. Let’s help each other as we try to live our faith in a way that not only enriches us personally, but also serves as a loving witness to those looking in from the outside!