Born in 1979 into a Brahmin family in a small city in India, I grew up very naturally to become a software engineer. But it took me many years and a lot of suffering to realize the truth of the Catholic Faith.
Let me first describe the position I was born into. Brahmins are known as the superior caste in Hinduism. Since ancient times, Brahmins have been tasked with praying, studying Hindu scriptures, and spreading the Hindu religion. My life was deeply rooted in my religion, praying to all the Hindu gods described in my religion and scriptures. I used to follow and believe every word of the Hindu scripture and chant Mantras almost the entire day, as well as fasting from time to time. In this way, I tried to be as close to my religion as possible.
Any Hindu God, but Never the Christian God
At that time, I had only negative thoughts about Christianity. I ran with a crowd who believed that Christians were in the world, and specifically in India, only to convert people away from other religions. We saw that religion as in direct contrast and competition to Hinduism. So I came to hate Christianity as an enemy. It seemed to me that Christian missionaries had a single mission: to win people over to their religion by giving them money, food, and commodities. We called their followers “rice Christians.” If you visit their church, they will give you a bag of rice. In exchange, you are supposed to convert to Christianity to keep receiving food and money. According to what I could see, all the churches were foreign-funded organizations bent on destroying India’s ancient religious heritage in this manner.
After entering college, I became dissatisfied with life. I had always felt I was out of place in society, and my friends ridiculed me for my different ways. I began to feel depressed and could find no escape from the downward spiral. I had issues with my family as well. They were largely traditional in their approach to mental health, and I found them to be totally unable to understand my feelings. As a result, I began to distance myself from family and friends. Those were the tough days. I avoided everyone, not wanting to talk because it seemed nobody understood, so I stayed in my room all day.
In 2003, I bought a personal computer. The internet was evolving, and it gave me some relief, since I could spend my time playing video games or chatting online on social sites. I preferred the chatting option, going to religious chat rooms and taking out my frustrations on people of other religions. Unfortunately, it did not help my depression, but rather increased the poison of hate that I felt toward the entire world. My social life was in ruins, and I was mentally tortured all the time due to the response — or rather the lack of it — by my family and friends.
Everyone was against me, and it seemed they were conspiring to make me suffer. I thought about suicide because there seemed to be no reason for living when stuck in this lonely and tortured life.
First Knock From Jesus on My Life’s Door
So there I was, in June of 2003, passing my evening time in a religious forum, and I stumbled across someone who was talking about a controversial religious site in India. I soon noticed that there was something different about this person, who seemed more understanding and compassionate than others I had encountered. Maybe this person was using a fake ID; I didn’t know. There are boys in India that join chat rooms using girls’ names as a prank. But I kept in touch and soon I found out that this person was actually a woman, and I found myself strongly attracted to her. She had such a positive personality, and she was full of faith in God. Then I asked her religion, and she told me that she was a Catholic Christian. Oh no! I am with a person who is going to try to convert me to her religion!
Yet because of the emotional attraction, I continued to chat with her, our friendship gradually becoming stronger. She was, after all, a very caring person. She was courageous and not afraid of any situation, however bad, in her personal life. This aroused my curiosity as to the source of such stalwart faith and adherence to life. Her reply was that she read the Bible and trusted in Jesus and in His word, believing that He would keep every promise He has made concerning her ultimate safety and happiness.
Such an amazing claim! It had never occurred to me that Christianity or loving Jesus could give me courage and make me unafraid of life’s misfortunes. Nevertheless, I continued to have a strong attachment to Hinduism. No matter what, I was determined never to convert to Christianity. Still, we continued chatting, talking for several hours each day.
One day I actually proposed to her. She replied that although she loved me in return, it would not be possible for us to get married, because she ought to marry someone who shared her faith and her love of Christ. Another problem was the relations between our two countries. We couldn’t even get a visa to visit the other’s home country unless we had relatives living there, which of course we didn’t have.
At that point, I felt that if our respective faith backgrounds were the only obstacle, that did not seem to be too big of a mountain for me to climb. In spite of my earlier resolve, I was now willing to become Christian for her. To my utter surprise and dismay, she rejected this idea completely, telling me that no one should ever convert for human reasons, but only for the love of Christ. That amazed me, because I had always thought Christians only want to convert you to their religion as a sort of conquest.
All this while, she had been praying and asking why God put me in her life when she had no inclination towards marrying anyone who did not believe in Jesus. Living in an Islamic country, she was brought up with that formation. They are surrounded by non-Christians, but they must not marry or fall in love with someone not belonging to the faith. One day, she was praying, and she said, this boy is so wonderful and I love him, but how can I marry someone who lives in darkness? She was repeating these words in conversation with God when she felt in her heart that she might be able to share her light with me. Although I was ready to convert for love of her, she wondered how I could know the love of Christ unless I had tasted for myself God’s goodness. She understood that Jesus was saying that He would make it happen at the right time.
Then she told me she could marry me, but she would remain in her faith, and that I must take her to church, and when we have children, they must be baptized and raised in the Christian faith.
Miraculously, My Lady Love Gets a Visa to Visit India
Now the big problem was a visa to India. One does not get a visa unless she has a relative in India, and my bride-to-be had no one; it was a desperate situation. We decided to meet in a third country. We chose Nepal. Traveling with our families, we met for the first time after chatting online for three years. We got engaged, but of course, we could not live in Nepal. So we went back to our respective countries and prayed for a miracle. She applied for an Indian visa, but we knew we couldn’t expect a positive response.
Both of us were praying, and even though I didn’t believe in Jesus, I began to visit a Catholic church. I thought if Christ is as powerful as my betrothed believed, then He would resolve this situation. One day I discovered that the then president of India, the late Mr. Abdul Kalam, was a very kind man at heart, and he also reads all the letters people send to him. He is still known as the People’s President. I had decided to write to him about my situation, but we were not expecting anything because, after all, it was a matter of human love, and politicians typically don’t take that seriously. However, a few days later, my wife got a call from the Indian embassy in her country, saying that she could come and collect her visa to come to India. I was amazed how quickly my prayer was answered! For the first time in my life, I could see the glory and grace of the Lord Jesus in my life.
After our wedding, I continued to follow my religion, but according to my promise, I took my wife to Mass every Sunday; this gave me the opportunity to learn more about Christianity and about Jesus.
After three and a half years, God blessed us with a beautiful daughter. Just before the due date, we were told that the amniotic water level had gone down, and the umbilical cord was tightening around the baby’s neck. Distressed, I kept praying to Jesus, because He had already worked miracles in my life. On the eve of the feast of Immaculate Conception, just six minutes before the feast, our daughter was born, completely healthy.
So Christ had worked another great miracle. Jesus was winning me over through earthly love, the love of a husband for his wife and the love of a father for his daughter. I had turned to this Jesus in both situations, and He had heard my prayer. Through this, I was learning that He is faithful even when we barely know how to trust and hardly know what to believe.
Some may wonder about a faith journey like this. Is it as exhilarating and profound as a conversion that begins in the mind rather than the heart — especially when the heart is not captivated by theology initially, but by the heart of another person who happens to have faith? Yes, I can tell you that Jesus reaches each one by the very things that person loves. Some have said they were first drawn to Him because they loved art. Some because they loved music. Some because they loved science, or education, or medicine or reading. For me, it was the love of a woman/wife, then the love for a daughter that oriented me to Christ and caused me to ask, trust, wait, and see the hand of God working in the lives of those I love. How can that not be profound? How can that not be exhilarating? Witness 1 Corinthians 7:14, 16. (add verse)
New Job Opportunity in the USA
My wife’s nationality affected my professional career. Software engineers from India receive higher compensation when they take projects abroad and travel outside of India. While everyone else looked for such opportunities, I always turned them down, because my wife was not able to travel with me so long as her Indian nationality was in process. I did not want to leave her behind alone, being the only family she had in the country.
My baby was two and a half years old, and I was the only person in the family with income; there were many expenses, so money was tight. My wife and I were praying for a good job with a better salary. One night, I saw this employment opportunity in the US and on a whim applied for it. I was not expecting a response, but I got one, and I shared the news with my wife. She encouraged me to go for the interview, surrendering to God if it was another answer to our prayers.
I filed visa papers, but I did not get my visa immediately. It kept showing up as “in process” when I checked the status online. After several months, I began to think I had probably been denied. In the meantime, I managed to get another job in India with a better salary, so we were better off financially.
I had almost forgotten about the visa application. Then, after nine months and one day, I received an email informing me to collect my visa documents. My visa had been approved! We did not know what to do. Should we be happy or not? My wife was praying about it, and we decided I must go to the US and take the new job. Later, my wife was pondering over all the events, and she confided that she believed it was all God’s plan to prepare us for the future during those nine months. Our baby girl had grown a bit bigger during that time, and I had been able to witness lots of things that she was doing — all of those “baby firsts.” Above all, Christ had taught us to lean on Him, and that He would direct our path and lead us in the way to go.
When I arrived in the USA, I was supposed to clear the interviews with the clients of my company, and if I didn’t clear in one month, I would be sent back to India. This was a very intense situation. I had taken out a loan to come to the US, and if I went back without a job, our financial condition would be in ruins.
Almost every day I was going to interviews but not clearing. I was experiencing considerable depression as well as being homesick.
I was going to Mass every Sunday, and the priest (Fr. Steve) would stand outside the church after Mass and meet people. I did not have a car then, so I had to wait for an Uber, and while waiting, the priest would come up to me and ask me how I was doing. This encouraged me. As a foreigner in a new country, someone was there to ask me about my day and practice an act of kindness that was so simple, yet so powerful. It showed that he cared, but it also showed that God cared. I didn’t have to look or sound like an American, and yet it gave me consolation to know that I belonged here. I soon began looking forward to seeing that friendly face, and through it God’s love in practice. There is something unique about being Catholic. We are all invited, all welcomed. The face of Christ’s Church looks like me, like you, and together, we learn to look like Jesus.
I was somewhat depressed during those days as I went to many places for interviews, but no one was hiring me. So I prayed in my old fashioned way to the things I used to call “gods,” and I said, “Today is the last day I am praying to you. I need this job; if I do not get it, then I will know you are not real.” Obviously, nothing happened; my suspicions were confirmed. They were not true gods — not even gods at all! The next day, I prayed to Christ, and I said, “Lord, I need a job; please help me!” The next morning, I got a call from my employment manager, telling me there was a client who wanted to hire me, and there was no need for more interviews. I was amazed. The crazy part was that I did not need to prepare for an interview to get this position. It just came along without an interview, praise God! Indeed, He is God. Who else could do this for me?
Finding Our True Home
All this while, my wife kept praying for me to receive the light of Christ and accept Him as my personal Lord and Savior, to be converted — not because she believed, but because I believed. I had stopped praying to those other gods because the truth had been revealed, and I received it as truth; I received Jesus as Truth. My wife challenged me, saying, “If you have accepted Christ as your Lord and King, then why don’t you receive the Sacrament of Baptism. But I did not want to convert, so I said, “I can love Christ and serve Him even without receiving Baptism. This is between Him and me.”
After that my wife’s nationality process in India was reaching its final state, and every time I went to Mass, I would ask the Lord to send help, and every time I would see my prayer heard and answered. It was not only the asking and receiving that made me believe, but also the sense it was cultivating in me that I was encountering the living God who listens to our deepest, heartfelt prayer. The word of God spoke to me, impressing upon me that those who refuse Him before others He will also deny them before His Father in heaven. Then I would see people going up to receive the Holy Eucharist, and I felt left out. I wanted to receive Jesus, even beyond Lord and Savior. I wanted to receive Him as my Food, my Bread of Heaven, the One who comes to us so intimately and changes us from the inside out. I said to myself, Why am I blocking myself from receiving this gift? So I made up my mind to be baptized, which would allow me to receive the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ.
Soon afterwards, my wife and I were communicating via Skype, and I told her that I wanted to receive baptism. She was amazed at what had happened to me, but after all, she had been praying for the Lord to speak to me and show me the way.
I waited for my family to come to the USA, so they could see me receiving the Sacrament of Baptism. Meanwhile, I had joined RCIA (instruction in the faith), learning a great deal about Christ and Catholicism during those months of preparation.
Even before my full conversion, when I would go to Mass with my wife and see people receiving the Eucharist with great faith, I was impressed. I was not able to understand the mystery… How is it possible that the Eucharist can be the Body of Christ? But at the same time, I would also think, If it is true, then these people are so blessed to have the real Presence of Christ in them. It is in them truly and not merely a mental prayer of invitation for Him to be one’s Lord and Savior, but a full receiving of His fully-given Divinity visiting me in my full being. This is the thought that drew me to receive Baptism. After having received the Holy Eucharist for the first time on the day of my Baptism, I was filled with joy, and the Holy Spirit revealed to me that this mystery of Baptism can be best understood through the reception of Christ in the Eucharist. It cannot be explained in words. Now I am an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion, taking Christ in the Eucharist to the homebound in my parish.
I have come to see and testify with my mouth and my life that everything works according to God’s plan. The year I received Baptism was the same year my daughter received the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist. My family was safe in the arms of Mother Church, grafted into the Vine that is Jesus Christ, and securely in the arms of our Heavenly Father’s care. We came from different backgrounds, my wife and I. We came from different cultures. We immigrated to another country on the other side of the world. In all this, we have realized that our Church is unique. Every race, every creed, men and women from every religion and no religion, every country and those who feel they do not have a country — each of these has a home in the one true God. And our journey had led us home, in a land that was unfamiliar, but in a Church that is universal. We are Catholic.
