Many years ago, a cradle Catholic viewer of The Journey Home program wrote in to express her gratitude for the encouragement she received hearing so many converts share the stories of being drawn home to the Catholic Church. Her note included a comment to the effect of: “These amazing conversion stories… they almost make me wish I was a convert, too.” That comment always stuck with me, and when I was blessed to step into the hosting seat for my father, I continued his habit of reminding the lifelong Catholics in the audience: you too are on a journey, you too have a story to tell! You may not have discovered it or learned to articulate it yet—but you too have a “conversion story” that God wants you to be able to share with people in your life. As one convert summed it up: “Every Christian has a testimony and it goes like this: I was (___), Jesus did (___), Now I am (___).” Uncovering this story and learning to tell it are themselves parts of the continuing journey.
There is a connection between this notion of discovering and learning to share one’s faith testimony and the practice of the daily Examen or Examination of Conscience that many converts learn as part of their spiritual formation as new Catholics. The Examen was popularized in 1522 by St. Ignatius of Loyola as part of his Spiritual Exercises and has been a treasured practice for centuries. In brief, the Examen is the practice of taking time every day, perhaps most especially before you go to bed, to intentionally reflect on the day’s events in prayer. The steps of the Examen can vary in number and content, but they generally involve the following aspects:
1. Transition—Beginning your time of prayer by recognizing the presence of God and inviting the Holy Spirit to aid your reflection.
2. Gratitude—Taking note of and thanking God for the blessings of the day.
3. Reflection—Examining your conscience and identifying sins and vices.
4. Repentance—Expressing contrition for sin and making a firm purpose of amendment.
5. Resolution—Learning from your experiences and making plans for the future.
Some form of daily Examen is crucial for the Christian journeyer because every day, as we experience the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows of the journey, we are always, intentionally or unintentionally, building a mental narrative of our life. Without an intentional daily practice of examining our experiences and consciously and prayerfully bringing them before God, we risk building up a mental narrative that is divorced from reality and reflective only of our vices rather than our faith in Jesus.
During his Regina Caeli address on April 23, 2023 in St. Peter’s Square, Pope Francis commented on the importance of a daily Examen, describing it as “re-reading the day with Jesus”. He went on to say:
“It is important to re-read our history together with Jesus: the story of our life, of a certain period, of our days, with its disappointments and hopes. Besides, we too, like those disciples, faced with what happens to us, can find ourselves lost in the face of events, alone and uncertain, with many questions and worries, disappointments, many things. Today’s Gospel invites us to tell Jesus everything, sincerely, without being afraid of disturbing him: he listens, without fear of saying the wrong thing, without shame at our struggle to understand. The Lord is happy whenever we open ourselves to him. Only in this way can he take us by the hand, accompany us and make our hearts burn again.”
As Pope Francis notes, without intentionally “re-reading” our lives with Jesus, our own auto-generated mental narratives can become sources of discouragement and temptation to despair. It is in re-reading our lives with Jesus, that we allow Him and His words to become the primary lens through which we interpret our experiences.
Perhaps we feel some amount of hesitancy or spiritual resistance to the idea of practicing a daily Examen. Perhaps we would rather not rehash the negative and troubling experiences of the day, or perhaps it feels a little prideful to focus on ourselves and our experiences in prayer. If rightly understood and carried out, the daily Examen can be a powerful exercise in the virtue of humility and a remedy to both our fears and our pride. Once again, we are always subconsciously building up narratives about ourselves and our lives. These narratives may be presumptuous—look how great I am and how great I am handling things on my own!—or they may be despairing—I’m such a sinner—how could God love me! Everything goes wrong for me. Where has God gone?—or likely some combination of the two. In the Examen, we invite Jesus and the words of Scripture to be the primary lens through which we consciously read and interpret the events of our lives. We surrender our self-made narratives and turn to Jesus in humility to ask Him: “Who do YOU say that I am, Lord?” A humble daily Examen is the attempt to read the book of one’s life and experiences through the lens of prayer and sacred Scripture, in order that all the things we experience—the good and the bad—may work together, by grace, to help us move forward on our journey deeper in Christ.
We are now closing out the month of May, which is dedicated in the Catholic Liturgical Calendar to the Blessed Virgin Mary. She is a model for Christian journeyers of both the spirit of the daily Examen—“Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart” (Luke 2:19)—and of sharing one’s Christian testimony—“The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name.” (Luke 1:49) As we remember her experience with the apostles at Pentecost, let us seek her intercession and follow her example. Consider making some form of the daily Examen part of your prayer routine— whether it be the exact method of St. Ignatius, a prayerful journaling practice, or Scripture study. Re-read your days with Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to uncover the truth of your own Christian journey and testimony—a testimony that is meant first and foremost for your own continued edification and encouragement, and then to be shared with others when the Holy Spirit presents the opportunity
