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NanaR
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| Joined: | Sat Jun 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 166 |
| First Name: | Ruth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born JW, born-again Catholic (Tiber Swim Team 2008) |
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Posted: Fri Mar 7th, 2008 02:52 pm |
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Dear Friends:
My RCIA class has a retreat scheduled for this Saturday. The retreat is scheduled from 10 am - 4 p.m., with some RCIA participants to go to their first confession afterwards (I am not one of those, as I am scheduled for baptism). We are to attend the 5:30 p.m. Mass, with our third (?) scrutiny during that Mass. Then we are to go to a regular RCIA class afterward.
Here's my problem. Saturday is the only day of the week that my husband and I are both off from work. I work days, Monday - Friday. He works evening turn Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, is off Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and works a double (day/evening) on Sunday. On Thursdays and Fridays, we have some time together, but not a lot.
We are also required to attend the Chrism Mass out of town (at the Cathedral of our diocese) on Saturday, March 15. Then of course we will have practice sometime Saturday March 22 in preparation for our Rites of Initiation at the Easter Vigil Mass that evening.
I asked my husband if he could trade his double Sunday for someone else's double Saturday this week or next week, but he says that he cannot do that.
My husband has asked that I not attend the retreat on Saturday. He knows that I will attend the Mass Saturday evening followed by RCIA and then go to whatever's left of my daughter's baby shower (yes it is that evening too). He knows I intend to attend the Chrism Mass and he knows about my baptism on the 22nd. He is NOT planning to attend my baptism.
I don't see any way I can both attend the retreat and attend the Chrism Mass. Which would be more important?
I have told the RCIA director that I probably will not be at the retreat. He was not happy.
I have only missed two RCIA sessions due to illness. I do not make a habit of missing events. But I understand my husband's concern and do not wish to trample on his feelings unnecessarily.
I feel that spending all day tomorrow away from home, then most of the day next Saturday and most of the day on the 22nd would be excessive on my part.
Okay, throw your opinions at me. I want to hear what you really think LOL.
Pax,
Ruth
____________________
When you bend down to help someone up, that is the best exercise for your heart. -- Fr. Noe, 2007
http://nanaruthann.blogspot.com
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Intercessor
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| Joined: | Tue Sep 25th, 2007 |
| Location: | Southcentral, Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 1225 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Southern Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 7th, 2008 03:46 pm |
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Wow, Ruth, I am amazed by the number of hours away from family demanded by this RCIA schedule. On the other hand, my hat is off to a director willing to take his job that seriously. (Can't help wondering whether the director is married.)
I hate for you to miss any of these activities, but I feel sorry for your husband and hate for him to have a resentful attitude toward the Church.
about the retreat--
Who will conduct it? Do you know whether the leader(s) are gifted retreat leaders? If they are and if you have developed friendships with the people in your RCIA group, I would give priority to attending the retreat rather than the Chrism Mass. You can attend a Chrism Mass at some point in the future.
On the other hand, if you have not developed friendships with the other RCIA participants and/or if the retreat leaders are not that gifted or their planned content not that helpful to you, I would skip the retreat and attend the Chrism Mass.
It was very meaningful to me to attend the Chrism Mass prior to my confirmation. There were representatives there from all the parishes of the diocese. The priests renewed their vow of obedience to the bishop. A wonderful choir led us in singing. For the first time I saw that there actually are some Catholics who can and will sing their hearts out to the Lord. We filled the arena with reverent praises! I met the bishop, watched him prepare the oils, went up to receive them, and delivered them (along with my sponsor) to the parish priest. When that oil was placed on my forehead, it had special meaning for me. The whole experience helped me feel that I was being brought into the diocese and the Church, not just into the parish.
I will pray that your husband will be blessed with special generosity and tolerance during all these long hours that you are away from home.Last edited on Fri Mar 7th, 2008 03:56 pm by Intercessor
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"The perfection of a soul may be measured by the degree to which it does the will of God, and finds its happiness in doing it.... O my God,...the only thing necessary is Your holy will," Divine Intimacy, pp. 15-16 Father Gabriel, O.C.D.
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Kim M.
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| Joined: | Mon Feb 11th, 2008 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 415 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Assembly of God, Church of God, Assembly again, PCA, ... |
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Posted: Fri Mar 7th, 2008 04:07 pm |
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Ruth, I'm not Catholic (yet - that's for you CajunRick!), but I have an opinion.  Since this is a special time for you that will only happen once, not a permanent burden, would your hubby mind going through this sacrifice for you just this once? You'll have lots of other Saturdays together after Easter. This is really not a great sacrifice on his part if you look at the big picture of things. Many are the times I've had to give up precious time with my hubby for his Boy Scout responsibilities. Often, whole weekends! I've not been happy about it, but I survived easily enough. I just found other things to do with my time (besides the daily grind).
Can he live with it just this once? For you? 
____________________
"A joyful heart is the health of the body, but a depressed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22
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pam
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| Joined: | Sat Nov 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | USA |
| Posts: | 115 |
| First Name: | Pam | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Former Non-denominational Bible Church |
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Posted: Fri Mar 7th, 2008 04:25 pm |
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Hi Ruth,
I agree with Kim. We are talking about a most important event in your life, and only 3 Saturdays.
I'm not Catholic, but I've been to a Chrism Mass, and you don't want to miss it. Becky's description was beautiful and accurate. Going another time will not replace this ONE time when your own oil is there and you are joining with others in your diocese who are coming into the Church. Even as an outsider, I was in total awe of the experience. Don't miss it, Ruth.
The retreat will also be important as you approach the solemn weeks ahead. This is no small thing you have decided to do. Give it the weight of priority it deserves.
Your husband will be fine! You are quietly and with dignity modeling your faith and the importance of your decision to become Catholic.
God bless you!
Last edited on Fri Mar 7th, 2008 05:13 pm by pam
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Credo Catholic
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| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1382 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Mar 7th, 2008 05:29 pm |
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| I agree with Kim M. This is a very important event in your life, and you deserve to experience and savor all of it. There are good reasons for all of the events that are planned, they are all part of becoming catholic. Maybe you and your husband could plan a special time to be together after Easter, when things are not so frantic. He may be wondering where your priorities are now, and how he fits into this new life you have. It will be a relief to him to discover a more loving, charitable catholic wife!
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Kayla
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| Joined: | Mon Jul 30th, 2007 |
| Location: | Emmitsburg, Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 369 |
| First Name: | Kayla | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Atheist, kind-of Mormon, Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Mar 8th, 2008 01:23 am |
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If it comes down to it... I would say go to the retreat. It's a pretty important part of the RCIA process. While the Mass of Chrims is most likely excellent (I've never been), I don't necessarily see its direct connection and importance to the preparation for Easter
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I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.
Jesus, I trust in You!
There's not a lot of job security for us after death. I suppose that's one advantage of being a philosopher. - Peter Kreeft
http://kayla23mount.blogspot.com/
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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5348 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Sat Mar 8th, 2008 02:42 am |
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NanaR wrote: I don't see any way I can both attend the retreat and attend the Chrism Mass. Which would be more important?
The retreat.
The Chrism Mass is beautiful and important, but you would essentially be a spectator. At the retreat you have the oportunity to grow closer to God. Hopefully it will have a great personal benefit for you; the Chrism Mass is less likely to be as personally significant.
HOWEVER......
We are talking about three weekends. These are three of the most important weekends of your life. If your husband is like most men, he would have no problem expecting you to yield for his benefit if he wanted to watch football games, or go hunting, or play golf. I really don't want to delve into your personal relationship with your husband, but we guys tend to be somewhat selfish (WHAT! Did he really say that? No, I'll deny it to my grave!) Chances are he doesn't want you to inconvenience him, but he would have no problem inconveniencing you, and you would have no problem letting him do it. Again, that's not a personal judgment, just a recognition of reality in the typical relationships between husbands and wives. Not that I would ever do that.....
It seems to me that it would not be the worst thing in the world for your husband to let you have these experiences.
The Chrism Mass is one of the most beautiful and significant of the year, but it pales in comparison to your own baptism. The retreat is part of your own ongoing conversion process and it is much more important that you participate in the retreat than at the Chrism Mass. It won't be the same, but you can always go next year.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Ali
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| Joined: | Sat Jan 6th, 2007 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 656 |
| First Name: | Ali | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | JW, finally fully Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Mar 8th, 2008 02:42 pm |
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Kim M. wrote: Ruth, I'm not Catholic (yet - that's for you CajunRick!), but I have an opinion.
No way. You having an opinion is like Dave A. writing a paper 
Ruth -- I probably would not go to the retreat. My dh works 6 days a week, 12 hrs a day. We need time together. During the time he is home, I make it a priority to give him most of my attention. That means I have to have my crap together and done before 5:30 every day. And that includes kid stuff.
You are doing your best and have (I would guess) made your best effort thus far to attend everything and to do as much as you can. To me a retreat would be extra. Something extremely benificial, but not required.
I hope the director can get over it. But don't worry about if he can't. He's not the one you need to impress. {{hugs}}
Ali
PS -- Will we be seeing you at Weirton in August?
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Ali
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| Joined: | Sat Jan 6th, 2007 |
| Location: | Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 656 |
| First Name: | Ali | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | JW, finally fully Catholic |
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Posted: Sat Mar 8th, 2008 02:45 pm |
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CajunRick wrote: If your husband is like most men, he would have no problem expecting you to yield for his benefit if he wanted to watch football games, or go hunting, or play golf. I really don't want to delve into your personal relationship with your husband, but we guys tend to be somewhat selfish (WHAT! Did he really say that? No, I'll deny it to my grave!) Chances are he doesn't want you to inconvenience him, but he would have no problem inconveniencing you, and you would have no problem letting him do it. Again, that's not a personal judgment, just a recognition of reality in the typical relationships between husbands and wives. Not that I would ever do that.....
And this is what most of our marrital problems have boiled down to. Glad to know I'm not married to a total neanderthal. Well, at least I'm glad to know that most men are neanderthal, and mine is not an exception. And don't worry, Rick, I'll never let them know I heard it from you! A member of their own species, even. Traitor.
Ali
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5348 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Sat Mar 8th, 2008 02:50 pm |
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Ali wrote: Traitor
I come by my traitorous ways honestly, after many years as a Girl Scout leader. 
Last edited on Sat Mar 8th, 2008 03:15 pm by CajunRick
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Kim M.
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| Joined: | Mon Feb 11th, 2008 |
| Location: | Georgia USA |
| Posts: | 415 |
| First Name: | Kim | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Assembly of God, Church of God, Assembly again, PCA, ... |
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Posted: Sat Mar 8th, 2008 03:05 pm |
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Ali wrote: Kim M. wrote: Ruth, I'm not Catholic (yet - that's for you CajunRick!), but I have an opinion.
No way. You having an opinion is like Dave A. writing a paper
Hey!! I resemble that remark!
____________________
"A joyful heart is the health of the body, but a depressed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22
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rbo4u2
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| Joined: | Tue Jan 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | Sunnyvale, California USA |
| Posts: | 442 |
| First Name: | Rich | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Formerly Christian & Missionary Alliance then became Presbyterian |
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Posted: Sat Mar 8th, 2008 03:09 pm |
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Ali wrote:
CajunRick wrote: Well, at least I'm glad to know that most men are neanderthal, and mine is not an exception.
Whoa, WHoa WHOA. Neanderthals? We are NEANDERTHALS??:X
I wash the dishes, I vacuum, I cook meals and I mow the durn lawn. I never saw a dang "Neanderthal" do that!!! I even shower, shave, brush my teeth and wear deodorant.
I may not be an Aqua Velva man, (it draws mosquitos) but at least I don't smell.
Rich
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NanaR
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| Joined: | Sat Jun 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 166 |
| First Name: | Ruth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born JW, born-again Catholic (Tiber Swim Team 2008) |
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Posted: Sun Mar 9th, 2008 02:50 pm |
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Ruth -- I probably would not go to the retreat. My dh works 6 days a week, 12 hrs a day. We need time together. During the time he is home, I make it a priority to give him most of my attention. That means I have to have my crap together and done before 5:30 every day. And that includes kid stuff.
You are doing your best and have (I would guess) made your best effort thus far to attend everything and to do as much as you can. To me a retreat would be extra. Something extremely benificial, but not required.
I hope the director can get over it. But don't worry about if he can't. He's not the one you need to impress. {{hugs}}
Ali
Ali and all,
The retreat was cancelled due to the snowy icy weather. We had our Third Scrutiny at Mass last night and an RCIA class afterward. A couple of members of our RCIA class did not make it. The roads were terrible.
I appreciate all the comments, and I understand where each of you is coming from. My husband is very considerate of not taking "our day" to use away from me except when very necessary. So I do my best to be considerate of him.
This is really the first RCIA event that I had a problem with attending. I don't know if it will be rescheduled. I'm sure it would have been a good thing to do, and still will be good to do if it is rescheduled and I can get to it.
On a positive note, my hubby and I met for dinner Friday night. He was getting there first and placing my order. I told him to order spinach lasagna for me (it's on the vegetarian menu). He said, "Are you sure it doesn't have meat in it? Don't forget, it's Friday."
Then yesterday evening he cleaned all the snow off my car so I could get to Mass.
Maybe there's hope for him yet :-)
PS -- Will we be seeing you at Weirton in August?
I don't know yet about the Conference. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go. Keep this intention in your prayers, please, as I keep praying about it and trying to work it out.
Pax,
Ruth
ps: I have been trying to reply to this thread since Friday night. I hope this one goes through. The others have all gone to "page not found". I couldn't send pms either.
____________________
When you bend down to help someone up, that is the best exercise for your heart. -- Fr. Noe, 2007
http://nanaruthann.blogspot.com
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Hidden One
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Posted: Sun Mar 9th, 2008 05:48 pm |
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On a positive note, my hubby and I met for dinner Friday night. He was getting there first and placing my order. I told him to order spinach lasagna for me (it's on the vegetarian menu). He said, "Are you sure it doesn't have meat in it? Don't forget, it's Friday." Then yesterday evening he cleaned all the snow off my car so I could get to Mass. Maybe there's hope for him yet :-)
The Lord works in mysteriosu ways... *praying.
ps: I have been trying to reply to this thread since Friday night. I hope this one goes through. The others have all gone to "page not found". I couldn't send pms either.
This one got through.
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1 John 4:7-12
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Parodyonlife
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| Joined: | Mon Jan 14th, 2008 |
| Location: | Corning, New York USA |
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| First Name: | John | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | NEW CATHOLIC!!! W( ) ( )T!!! |
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Posted: Mon Mar 10th, 2008 01:18 am |
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If it ever happens again personnaly. I would go to the retreat. That RCIA class seems to sound like it's stressing you out. The Chrism mass is special but there is always next year your mental health is more important than showing up to be a body that wants to be somewhere else. Do what you want to do. Both are important. HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!
Last edited on Mon Mar 10th, 2008 01:20 am by Parodyonlife
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NanaR
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| Joined: | Sat Jun 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 166 |
| First Name: | Ruth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born JW, born-again Catholic (Tiber Swim Team 2008) |
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Posted: Mon Mar 17th, 2008 02:37 pm |
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Dear Friends:
As I reported earlier, our Retreat was cancelled because of the snow and ice on that day (March 8). It was not rescheduled. We did have our Third Scrutiny that evening, and it was very nice.
I went to the Chrism Mass this past weekend. It was MAGNIFICENT!! I had been to the Cathedral before (for the Rite of Election), but this was entirely different.
Most of the priests of the Diocese were there (in white garments, all sitting together). So when the songs were sung or the responses were made, the sound of everyone (with so many male voices included) was AWESOME.
Even though my paperwork is still pending*, I was selected to carry one container of the "Oil of the Catechumens". Four of the "elect" from our parish carried this oil up to the Bishop to be blessed, and we were representing all of the "elect" of the Diocese. My biggest worry was to not drop the oil (the container was glass, very heavy, and a bit slippery).
Just when I thought the Mass could not get any better, they had the Litany of Lexington Diocese, where they called the names of all the churches in the Diocese followed by all the Catholic Hospitals. It sounded exactly like the verses in Revelation which speak of "the Church at Laodicea" etc. This was for the distribution of the Blessed Oils. I felt like I was in heaven!!
So I highly recommend that everyone plan to attend a Chrism Mass at least once. I found out later that my sponsor, a cradle Catholic, has NEVER BEEN TO ONE, and our Religious Education Director who is also cradle Catholic was attending for the very first time.
I'm certainly glad that I went. In terms of my earlier decision, I believe my original choice was the best one for me. As it turned out, I did not have to "miss" anything. But I wouldn't have missed that Chrism Mass for ANYTHING!
I went to daily Mass this morning. Our little Chapel was full.
What a week this is going to be!
Pax,
Ruth
*So if it turns out that I can't be baptized on Saturday, I was doing a good imitation of a person about to be baptized *hah*
____________________
When you bend down to help someone up, that is the best exercise for your heart. -- Fr. Noe, 2007
http://nanaruthann.blogspot.com
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pam
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| Posts: | 115 |
| First Name: | Pam | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Former Non-denominational Bible Church |
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Posted: Mon Mar 17th, 2008 04:24 pm |
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Hi Ruth,
Isn't that wonderful how it all worked out. I'm so glad you were able to go to that Chrism Mass. Your experience and response echoed mine exactly. Awesome!
Meanwhile, what is going on???  I am going to keep praying that all comes together for Saturday, and please let us know when you hear any news.
Many blessings.
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NanaR
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| Joined: | Sat Jun 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Kentucky USA |
| Posts: | 166 |
| First Name: | Ruth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Born JW, born-again Catholic (Tiber Swim Team 2008) |
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Posted: Mon Mar 17th, 2008 05:51 pm |
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pam wrote: Hi Ruth,
Isn't that wonderful how it all worked out. I'm so glad you were able to go to that Chrism Mass. Your experience and response echoed mine exactly. Awesome!
Meanwhile, what is going on??? I am going to keep praying that all comes together for Saturday, and please let us know when you hear any news.
Many blessings.
Pam:
I spoke to Father Joe this morning. What's happening today is that it is the Canon Judge's day off :-( . So we can't find out if the Bishop signed my paperwork until tomorrow at the earliest.
Everyone seems to believe that all is well. So I'm going to try to believe so too. But it was making assumptions that got us into this situation, so it is hard not to worry a little...
Believe me, as soon as I hear for sure, I will tell EVERYONE *hah*
Pax,
Ruth
____________________
When you bend down to help someone up, that is the best exercise for your heart. -- Fr. Noe, 2007
http://nanaruthann.blogspot.com
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