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sdtrojan
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| Joined: | Sat Jul 12th, 2008 |
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| Posts: | 9 |
| First Name: | Eric | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 02:44 am |
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Hi everyone,
I have really bad scrupulosity, not because I have a 'negative image of God', but it is somehow correllated to my severe obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety disorders. When I was not religious, I still had very bad ocd and anxiety and a restless mind. Now that I'm religious...this ocd expresses itself as scrupulosity. This is perhaps the greatest struggle and suffering of my life as my mind is almost never at rest. I figure it might help me to write down my scrupulous thoughts in a journal, which I have been doing, in order to analyze my argument at a later time and see how absurd my thinking can be. Below is my latest entry from today. Please feel free to chime in with your opinion if it will help me. Thank you...
"Today my 4-way medal fell off my necklace and I wanted to buy a
new one. At a local Catholic bookstore I was choosing between two
Cross 4-way medals. One I really liked the look of and its size, the
other I liked how detailed it was, but didn't like the larger size of it.
A thought came across my head thinking how it would look to others,
say at the beach. I like wearing a cross and being a witness, I have
no problem with showing that I wear a cross, but I didn't want the
large one because its a litle gaudy and showy- I don't want to be
showy about my faith. I want to be a witness through my actions, and
I don't mind wearing a cross to show others but I don't want to throw
it in their face and show that "hey everyone I'm a Chistian"...I ended up choosing the smaller one... but am haunted my scrupulous thoughts
just minutes after thinking....the 'look' of it shouldn't matter at
all...I'm worried that I am sinning by wearing this smaller one as
opposed to the larger one because I was worried about the 'fashion' of
the Cross in a sense.
That being said...I do not wear the Cruciform 4 way medal as a fashion
statement to show to others, I wear it to remind myself of the four
medals and to encourage myself to be a better Christian...So why am I
so worried that I made a sinful error by choosing the Cross that
wasn't as showy and large because I didn't like the idea of being seen
in that one compared to the one I have. Am I obligated to return the one I bought because of my thinking and buy the larger one that I didn't like so much (maybe because of faulty reasoning?)....I can't stand my scruples
and the way my mind thinks sometimes....help me Lord"
Being scrupulous, part of my mind sees many of my scruples as completey irrational and ridiculous, unfortunately that doesn't change the other part of the mind that is in constant worry and circular thinking. If you are scrupulous please let me know how you battle it...and if you aren't please pray for me and for all those who suffer from this horrible condition. Thanks
Eric
[pasting duplicates corrected by Dave Armstrong]
Last edited on Wed Jul 16th, 2008 06:58 pm by Dave Armstrong
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sdtrojan
Member
| Joined: | Sat Jul 12th, 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 9 |
| First Name: | Eric | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 02:45 am |
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| sorry about the misuse of copy/paste!
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EMarshallBuckles
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 19th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rockville (Near Richmond), Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 656 |
| First Name: | Marshall | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian Church,Episcopal Church,Baptist denomination,learning about RCC |
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 03:14 am |
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 Eric, we are just glad that you are here and warmly welcome you! May God bless you!
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Howard the Pilgrim
Member
| Joined: | Sun Dec 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | Lamar, Colorado USA |
| Posts: | 70 |
| First Name: | Howard | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | United Presbyterian, non-denom, American Baptist, non-denom, Conservative Baptist, United Methodist ... |
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 03:18 am |
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Hi Eric,
That wasn't a misuse. It was an accident.  I will pray for you. I have a friend with some of the same symptoms that you have, like the mind that never stops. He suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder.
May God bless you and draw you into His heart of love.
Howard
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TotusTuus
Member
| Joined: | Tue Oct 31st, 2006 |
| Location: | Alabama USA |
| Posts: | 126 |
| First Name: | Mark | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic (thanks Mom and Dad!) |
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Posted: Tue Jul 15th, 2008 05:02 pm |
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Please read the linked post from Jimmy Akin, Catholic Apologist, on this issue.
http://jimmyakin.typepad.com/defensor_fidei/2005/04/a_crown_of_thor.html
I have first-hand experience with this condition and I can tell you that Jimmy is 100% correct both from a Moral and Medical point of view. The only way I was able to overcome this painful problem was with the SSRIs. Please take his advice and get the medical help he is advising ...
____________________
TTM!
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 1869 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical (1977): Diverse Protestant Influences / Catholic in 1990 |
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Posted: Wed Jul 16th, 2008 07:00 pm |
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| A warm welcome to the forum if I haven't said so before, Eric. You'll get lots of friendship and support here.
____________________
I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 2000+ papers & web pages (absolutely free) & 16 apologetic books (for sale):
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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Faith Admirer
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 29th, 2007 |
| Location: | Florida USA |
| Posts: | 20 |
| First Name: | Ryan | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Non-denominational Christian convert to Catholicism |
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Posted: Wed Jul 16th, 2008 07:47 pm |
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Eric,
I have gone through some extreme obsessive thinking/scrupulosity in my life. I started working with a Catholic therapist at Pastoral Solutions Institute (run by Dr. Gregory Popcak) about nine months ago and have found great healing. In summary, much of my thinking was due to limbic system (i.e. emotional) responses that I formed in adolescence as a way to cope with life. Through good counseling, I have learned to tame the limbic system so that the rational part of my brain can take over. As situations arise (like your cross example), I am able to rationally think through the situation as opposed to being dominated by emotions. I hope this helps.
Ryan
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Cindy
Member
| Joined: | Fri Nov 17th, 2006 |
| Location: | California USA |
| Posts: | 42 |
| First Name: | Cindy | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic convert |
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Posted: Thu Jul 24th, 2008 07:35 pm |
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Hi Eric,
Father Thomas Santa's book Understanding Scrupulosity might be helpful.
God bless you!
Understanding Scrupulosity: Helpful Answers for Those Who Experience Nagging Questions and Doubts
____________________
The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in Truth -- Psalm 145:18
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brian
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Chicago South Burbs, Illinois USA |
| Posts: | 852 |
| First Name: | brian | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | methodist, evangelical, anglican, catholic |
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Posted: Thu Jul 24th, 2008 07:59 pm |
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Hello friend!
I answered another post of yours. I am glad you are here. It may help me exercise some of what I have learned in the past several months. Or at least know someone who can relate.
I am not sure about the drugs. I am curious about them and do think hey are right for some people. But I fear tehm. I want to be better, but do not feel good about altering my natural brain chemistry. Perhaps this is pride. Perhaps I will change my mind. I am afraid of taking vitamins though, as anything too new is a bit scary. In fact once I had tried to take medication and took it one day, and was too doubtful to continue it.
Not sure if you asked about that but I saw a mention of it in the replies. I am glad for all that meication helps and you may or may not be one of those.
For me it helps to have a surrogate conscience at times. Someone I trust to answer an issue for me and put doubt to rest as if they advise me wrong they are accountable for it. I write messages to people online, have a regular confessor and a therapist. All deal with different types of issues and help me make decisions with some confidence. Though, I try to remain free to go my own way when I think that I m sure of something.
As to the medal. I have had similar conversations with myself. The hard thing about the OCD is that as much as I hate it, I like that it maeks me search for truth. Or interesting things. My mind can torture me, but sometimes it uncovers a gem or can have long conversations with God. Sometimes it deceives me in this regard too.
As to the specific issue, I think if there is anything good about our scruples it is that we fear the Lord and want to honor Him. This is a good thing. My fear (and something I should not analyze) is if my motivation is good. Why do I want to be good? To please the Lord? Or out of pride or vanity or fear of punishment? Maybe I do not trust God enough? Maybe all these attmepts to be good show that I just don't get it....wory worry worry..
I would say that we need to learn to trust our istincts. To allow ourselves some amount of time to deliberate. But to limit it. To pray a bit but then stop about an issue. But when deciding try to do so with confidence. Even trust that some of our insincts are from God, so long as they are not clearly sinful. So with the medal, I would say, you knew what you wanted, and what would most suit your personality and spirituality and you bought it. Good. God is honored. I know how devastating it can be to take an action that is supposed to give you joy and let some concenr or doubt turn it into an accusation against you.
I will leave decisions about that sort of thing or conversations that happened or almost happened and question for minutes on end if what I did was right or wrong.
The tough thing is knowing when a concern is legitimate and when it is scrupulous. Because some of the things we care about are important things. I just wish I could go to confession every day. Instead God wants me to trust that he can forgive me (of venial sin) as soon as I confess it. Sometimes I just wantto confess it and know I dealt with it and get it over with. Sometiems I wish I had a priest right next to me that would answer my every question and whim. I feel a little sorry for those who deal with me and the many questions and follow up questions I may have.
So how do I deal with it? Well, I try not to feel to guilty about it anymore. I try to recognize a scrupulous or obsesive thought as it is coming at me and simply dismiss it. Or say the Jesus prayer. I try to pretend like it is an unwanted distraction like someone screaming in your ear in a voice that sounds and feels like your own. But you must stay focused on the task at hand. I try to keep myself focused. But I end to withdraw to my mind too often. But the goal, is not to make the worried go away, but to accept that it is part of my problem and try to give the scrupulous or obsessive thoguhts less and less attention as I get older. So, if I am prying and hear a bizare or evil though, I try to just kep praying and ignore it. Sometimes easier said than done, but lableing the thoughts and then assigning them nio worth if they are harmful is a good strategy I think. Just stay focused on the task at hand.
Also Eucharistic adoration is great for me. To simply leave my analytical mind aside and simply sit peacefully before my Lord. Or instead of worriyng telling Him why I am worried and then trying to let it go. But prayer of silence is helpful. Just trying to leave your worries and get caught up in the sweeteness of he presence of the Lord is good medicicne for all, but definitely for those who are often too caught up in personal worry or sickness.
Even as I sign off, I feel somewhat concerned that I have said something wrong or forgotten something or not put enough effort into the message. I will have to accoet this and move on and pray for mercy if I overlooked anything.
I will try to rememberto pray for you.
Brian
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