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Truthseeker
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Mon Jun 30th, 2008 03:19 pm |
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Hi all,
Well, my oldest has court- again. She got off house arrest in mid April. Since then, she has gone missing several times. Some overnighters, some three to four dayers. She just seems to think she can go out and return whenever she wants, with a, "hi mom, I'm coming home today". Last time, she actually went to Palm Springs! That's a couple hours away from our Newport Beach area home.
We have logged and reported every time she has gone missing. Her probation officer put her back on house arrest last Thursday. All the officers were saying things like, "You're back so soon".
Her agreement with the court was to follow through with all her probation requirements or go to juvinile hall for a 60 day sentence. She has done nothing. We are expecting her to get a 120 day sentence, today, because they will add time for her misbehavior.
Possibly, because juvi is so full, and the summer brings more bad behavior out of the kids, she may be taken into custody today but only serve a short time, and then be sent home to make room for the kids with actual offenses (as opposed to parole violations). She would then spend the rest of her sentence on house arrest. However, she really has simply shown no effort to listen to the court, and they may keep her just to prove their point.
Please send up your prayers for her. She is quite frightened.
I'll let you know what happens, when I get a chance to visit again.
In Christ's love,
Laura
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Lord, please make my will your Will!
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EMarshallBuckles
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 19th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rockville (Near Richmond), Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 616 |
| First Name: | Marshall | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian Church,Episcopal Church,Baptist denomination,learning about RCC |
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Posted: Mon Jun 30th, 2008 03:55 pm |
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Laura, of course I will offer up prayer for your daughter. Even so, sadly yet frankly, I wonder if some time in "the slammer" might be good for her in a "lesson learning, tough love" sort of way.
My wife is a Child Protective Services Social Worker (here in Virginia where we live) of over 30 years service. She and many of her coworkers privately feel that one of the worst things our nation ever did was to get rid of the so called "status offenses". Because our bodies, under optimum circumstances, are not fully mature until our mid 20s and our brains and mental processes are not fully mature, under optimum circumstances, until at least around age 23, I have felt that our nation needs to raise the age of majority back to at least 21, or even 22 or 23 with the age for using alcohol, tobacco and for giving consent for sexual relations being at that age as well. Further, our nation needs to bring back the old status offenses and give parents the power to keep their children under control. Even if we cannot teach religion in the schools, we need to at least teach Judeo-Christian ethics and teach good, old fashioned good manners in the schools, requiring them to be practiced. We need to do everything we can to greatly reduce the alcohol use, eliminate tobacco use and illegal drug use and to get the promiscuity and sexually transmitted diseases stopped as well as getting people to stop being irresponsible about pregnancy. Right now, I think that our nation might possibly be about 20 to 40 years from a civil war which will result in our nation being greatly weakened. We are developing some severe problems. Right now, I think that the Catholic Church, certain other of our Christian denominations and certain of the Jewish denominations can have a "correcting effect" on our nation, getting things turned around, however, we all are going to HAVE to start standing up and demanding that our legislators and governmental officials get a lot of the irresponsible liberal garbage stopped and get our young people under control as well as start nurturing them as they need and deserve to be nurtured.
Well, anyway, please pardon my "lecture". It is NOT aimed at you, it is aimed at our society in general. Again, I am sorry that your daughter may end up having some juvenile hall time, yet, even so maybe it will scare her into some maturity and prevent future offenses of a more serious nature. I pray for God's guidance for her. Please let us know what happens.
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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Tue Jul 1st, 2008 03:26 am |
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Hi all,
Thanks, Marshall.
Well, court was packed. More people than I've ever seen (and sadly, I have been there many times in the last six months). Our defender showed up and then went to work, and we didn't see her for over two hours. Usually, they come in and out of the courtroom to talk to their clients. After over an hour, a different defender came out and told us that oldest would remain on house arrest, because the computer system was down, so we were quite relieved. Then, he realized that he wasn't our defender and told us to wait. And so we waited and hoped to be seen before the system came back up.
Just before lunch break, another defender came out and told oldest that the D.A. wanted 180 days in juvi, and they would be taking her into custody today. Oh my gosh!! Thankfully, I had been praying for one last chance, and I can only assume that God heard me (and you!), and so just as the defender was getting ready to bring us into the courtrrom to have my daughter taken away, our actual defender finally showed up. She took one look at the offer and said, "That's too much time. I won't accept that". So, she sent us to lunch and said to come back at 1:30. So, we at least hoped for less time in custody.
While we were at lunch, our defender came over and told us that oldest would be attending drug court. Here's what it is:
A one year program. You start out seeing the judge once a week, then eventually twicw a week, and then once a month. You must attend AA & NA, and whatever else they say. If you mess up, you get an immediate consequence, such as work program for a weekend, or juvi for 2 or 3 days, and possibly more, but they are little tastes instead of several months at a time. Hopefully, if she gets a weekend, she will see how much she doesn't like it and it will help her behave. That works much better for me than 5-6 months.
God bless.
Laura
____________________
Lord, please make my will your Will!
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EMarshallBuckles
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 19th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rockville (Near Richmond), Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 616 |
| First Name: | Marshall | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian Church,Episcopal Church,Baptist denomination,learning about RCC |
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Posted: Tue Jul 1st, 2008 04:20 am |
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Laura thank you for telling us what happened! Here in Virginia, we also have drug courts. I hear tell that they work excellently getting many good results, helping many young people turn things around for themselves. However, WARNING to your daughter, if drug courts in California are as strict as the ones in Virginia, they WILL "KICK HINDPARTS AND TAKE NAMES", your rear end will be the grass and they will be the lawn mower, if you do not cooperate fully! I certainly like that a lot better for your daughter than just tossing her in the slammer for a few months! I just pray that she will cooperate with them! Well, ma'am, may God bless you all and may God bless and guide your daughter! She is getting a great chance here! May God help her use it wisely! 
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Steven Barrett
Member
| Joined: | Tue Nov 14th, 2006 |
| Location: | Hadley, Massachusetts USA |
| Posts: | 894 |
| First Name: | Steven | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic, Episcopal communicant, Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Jul 1st, 2008 04:20 am |
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My prayers are with you and your daughter. My youngest gives us plenty of gray hairs and his usual spiel every day almost on time in the late afternoon, but compared to the hell you're going through and your daughter's hell -- we have it real light.
God is with you and your daughter, no matter how bleak things will look from time to time; He is with you always, and so will be everyone's prayers.
Steven
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For anybody interested in reading commentary from a Catholic's socially conservative/fiscally liberal viewpoint, go to my new blog at http://www.politicsramble.com/ .
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Credo Catholic
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1356 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Jul 1st, 2008 03:46 pm |
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Laura, I am so glad to hear from you, even though the news of your daughter is not happy. I have wondered how you are, and if you are through now with chemo.
I thought our son had put us through some rough times, but I believe your daughter is a harder nut to crack. I can tell you that the people involved with AA/NA will pull no punches, and accept no excuses or bull. Because they have been there themselves and know all the tricks. My son is somewhat involved with that now, on the good side thankfully, and there are many people you can meet in Alanon who will be friends for life with you, supporting you and just being there when you need a shoulder to lean on. I highly recommend you give it a decent chance to help you, if not your daughter.
Please keep in touch. I hesitate to ask you sometimes because I don't want to put you in a position of having to explain things. But we do care, and you are still often in my prayers. God bless
Marsha
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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Tue Jul 1st, 2008 05:41 pm |
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Thank you so much. You should never feel like you can't ask me something. This is the place where I feel I can be totally honest.
I am through with chemo and radiation. I am hopefully having surgery this month for my second phase of reconstruction.
Please pray for my daughter's friend. She is in juvi right now. She has a condition which makes her bald and she is not allowed to wear the headbands that keep her wig on, so it is loose. She is not eating or drinking. She has court today, and the hope is that she will be allowed to leave juvi for residential rehab. I have been quite angry with this girl, but she is suufering terribly, as well as her mother.
Love, Laura
____________________
Lord, please make my will your Will!
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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Wed Jul 2nd, 2008 01:45 pm |
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My oldest's best friend got out of juvi yesterday. She got placed on house arrest for one day. Today, she is entering a residential rehab for 90 days.
My own daughter, now that she is off the hook, is acting like - I don't know - not taking things seriously, again. I don't get it at all.
Laura
____________________
Lord, please make my will your Will!
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Credo Catholic
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1356 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Wed Jul 2nd, 2008 02:44 pm |
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I will keep your daughter's friend in my prayers. Whatever she has done, or will do, she is a child of Christ. We are to visit those imprisoned, even if it's through prayer.
I will think of you during your surgery, and let us know how it goes.
Love,
Marsha
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Truthseeker
Member
| Joined: | Wed Oct 4th, 2006 |
| Location: | Costa Mesa, California USA |
| Posts: | 367 |
| First Name: | Laura | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | lapsed and returned CATHOLIC!!!!!! |
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Posted: Fri Jul 4th, 2008 05:55 pm |
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Thank you so much.
Oldest had her first visit to drug court yesterday, when she was submiited to the program. It was very interesting. Much less intimidating then regular court.
They seem to work on a reward/consequence system very similar to one you would use with toddlers. But, instead of stickers and time outs, they use reduction of community service, tokens to acknowledge length of sobriety, and name on the 100% board (which qualifies you for a special drawing) versus weekends on work program or in juvi. Several times, the entire courtroom (including judge and baliff) broke out in applause for a kid who was doing well. The judge would say things like, "Well, unfortunately, you will have to spend the weekend with us, but on a positive note, Monday you can start over, and we'll do everything to help you."
It's a 12 month program, involing personal and group counsiling, parent group classes, frequent drug testing, and evetually, outings with the councillors (yikes, I'm going to have to learn to spell!).
To start with, my daughter will have an 8:00 curfew! As you can imagine, she is very thrilled! As you can imagine, I really am thrilled.
Her big assesment day is on the 8th - yeah, surgery day. Fortunately, the hospital and the court share the same parking lot, they are that close, so she will just come with us to the hospital, walk over to do her assessment, and walk back when she's done. She returns to the drug court on the 17th to be formally accepted into the program, at which time she gets off house arrest.
Thank God, that He is allowing her to remain on house arrest during my surgery and recovery. That makes it so much easier for all us adults involved.
Praying for God's blessing to everyone,
Happy 4th of July,
Laura
____________________
Lord, please make my will your Will!
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tedjenczewski
Member
| Joined: | Thu May 10th, 2007 |
| Location: | Richmond, Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 253 |
| First Name: | Ted | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic, Presbyterian, revert Catholic |
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Posted: Fri Jul 4th, 2008 09:52 pm |
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| Dear Laura, May God bless you and keep you. I understand your concerns as I have a daughter who has been in and out of jail three times for a drug caused offense and probation violations. My impression from what I read here is that some hard time in a county jail might be the only thing that will open your daughters eyes. My own daughters eyes appear to have finally opened after three in and outs. The jail time should be served in a facility that offers intensive inhouse drug rehab, and then a rehab program should follow release that is supervised by probation. A secondary advantage is that with your daughter in a safe place (jail) you will find you sleep better at night for a few months and get a needed relief from your own suffering. My own experience with dealing with this kind of situation is that it is a long protracted struggle that has gone on for twelve years. But despair is a sin, and our hope is in the overwelming grace and love of God. Last edited on Fri Jul 4th, 2008 09:55 pm by tedjenczewski
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"...the church of the living God, the pillar and bulwark of the truth." 1Tim 3, 15
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