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sdreidy
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Oklahoma USA |
| Posts: | 12 |
| First Name: | shawn | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Assembly of God, Southern Baptist |
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Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2007 08:34 pm |
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Hi,
I tried to search for a topic about spouses that oppose conversion to the Catholic Church, but I guess I looked in the wrong places.
I am on a two and a half year journey that has been the best of times and the worst of times. My joy and excitement over what I've discovered in the Catholic Church has been thrilling. At the same time, this topic is the first thing that has brought real problems to my wife and I.
About two years ago I was reading Scott Hahn's book of his conversion. I shared it with my wife like a new convert... His story was exactly what I was experiencing! What I didn't expect was my wife to go into a terrifying shock. I guess I was pretty passionate.
For the last two years I have straddled serving in an Pentecostal Church and continuing research on Catholic Doctrine. The more I know, the more I feel led to come home.
Basically, my wife has lived in denial regarding the whole Catholic "thing."
She refuses to read, discuss, or listen to anything that might give her an understanding of where I am coming from.
Is there anyone out there who can relate??
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David W. Emery
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2034 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2007 08:46 pm |
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I tried to search for a topic about spouses that oppose conversion to the Catholic Church, but I guess I looked in the wrong places.
You’re right, Shawn, we don’t have an area devoted to this topic. It is one of the most needed things on the forum, because a lot of people have this problem. The moderators have discussed it, so it may be forthcoming. (By the way, welcome to the forum.)
Basically, my wife has lived in denial regarding the whole Catholic "thing." She refuses to read, discuss, or listen to anything that might give her an understanding of where I am coming from.
At least she isn’t threatening divorce. I’ve seen that occur.
Now I’m going to stand aside, because I have not personally faced spousal rejection of my Catholic faith, but many others on this forum have. I’ll let them tell you how they handled it.
David
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catholic
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jan 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Dublin, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 37 |
| First Name: | Paul | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Non-Specific Protestant -> Catholic (Latin Rite) |
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Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2007 09:30 pm |
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My wife objected strongly. Her father is extremely anti-Catholic (fallen away Catholic.)
I didn't pressure my wife to convert, but I asked her to attend RCIA with me. You don't have to convert to attend RCIA. I wanted to clear up any misconceptions she had, so that if we spoke about the Church we were speaking about the same thing. She ended up changing her mind halfway through RCIA and she was received into the Church with me.
Do you get EWTN? Web of Faith, Fr. Corapi, Sunday Night Live w/Fr. Groeschel, and of course The Journey Home are great programs. My wife tells me the one stumbling block she had was the Communion of Saints, and her question was answered by Fr. Trigilio.
Of course YMMV, and you should pray. There are others for whom becoming Catholic resulted in their marriage falling apart. Tread lightly.
____________________
"A teacher who is not dogmatic is simply a teacher who is not teaching."
Gilbert K. Chesterton
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BodRod
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 827 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2007 10:42 pm |
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Hi Shawn,
Welcome to the club! I have been a member of the RCC for 2.5yr. and my wife still goes into a fit every now and then. She even goes into a rage when I am talking to one of the kids about something that I am telling one of the kids (The youngest being 45+ and can make up their own minds.).
I read When Only One Converts by Lynn Nordhagen. Some of it is encouraging but some of it is not. However, it does give a realistic perspective of what a home situation can go through.
There are several people in my parish who are in the same boat, some male some female. It has been interesting to me to learn that all the spouses have similar reactions to the situation.
I wish you all the best in your Journey.
____________________
Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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sdreidy
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Oklahoma USA |
| Posts: | 12 |
| First Name: | shawn | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Assembly of God, Southern Baptist |
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Posted: Tue Dec 11th, 2007 11:31 pm |
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Nice profile pic Paul.... great episode!!
YMMV? I hope this doesn't imply I need to take it slowly  That's what I've been told by everyone I meet. It's the one thing that is hard for me to do.
Yes, I watch EWTN in my study all the time. My favorite is journey home and Scott Hahn rocks.
I attended RCIA at the university parish until we got to the part where you receive a sponsor and take it to the next level. I am still in pastoral ministry and that was going too far at the time. I am in "no man's land" right now.
My wife is an awesome woman who has always supported my ministry and leaps of faith. This one is a new one for me.
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Irishman
Member
| Joined: | Thu Dec 13th, 2007 |
| Location: | St.Louis, Missouri USA |
| Posts: | 3 |
| First Name: | Jamie | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Non-Denom Protestant |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 10:26 am |
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I'm in a similar situation. My wife is a life-long evangelical with strong disagreements to Catholic doctrine. She would'nt say Catholics are'nt Christians but would say their beliefs are un-biblical and even blasphamous.I have only been a Christian for a couple of years and have only known of the Potestant evangelical theology of our church. I began to notice an anti-Catholic (faith not people) attitude in comments and conversations I would hear. I even made a few myself due to ignorance. This got me thinking, why do people feel so strongly against Catholicism? So I began to research and study.
That was about 2-3 months ago and through much study and prayer I almost consider myself "Catholic" in belief. I definetly can see myself becoming Catholic one day. I can no longer align myself with my non-denom church's theology. Now this is causing major problems with my wife. She feels abandond and very hurt by my recent changes in beliefs. Growing up she always said she would never marry a Catholic and now her once "bible only" non-denom husband is heavily considering converting.
We have talked and kindly debated many issues of the faith but she can't come to understand,not to agree, but to just understand my journey. She feels we are becoming divided and separated though I don't feel quite the same. My personal relationship with Jesus should'nt affect our marriage. I have explained how I would still attend church with her after going to Mass. I explained that I would want our children (none yet) to be raised Catholic but if we could'nt come to a peaceful agreement and if it's best for our family, they would be raised in her church. I have never tried to force any changes on her but I do explain the Church's teaching and defened my beliefs when asked. She is always asking why I believe certain things and I kindly respond. She continues to be frustrated,scared,hurt and confused about my belief in Catholicism.
Recently she stated that she is now unsure she even wants children with me if I become Catholic, due to the problems this might cause. I am very optimistic about raising children and not as worried as she is but I am very hurt by her feelings of not having kids. You can see I am in a complex situation and praying is about all I can do. It would probably eat at my conscience to not become Catholic. At the same time if I do what will it do to my wife? Being Catholic is'nt the important thing but being close to God is. However to be in a closer and more intimate relationship with Christ I might have to become Catholic. I only want God's will to be done no matter if I'm Catholic or not. I'm not praying to be Catholic but only for guidence and understanding. The more I pray though the more "Catholic" I feel.
God bless!
Jamie
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martin6797
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| Joined: | Tue Dec 11th, 2007 |
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| Posts: | 15 |
| First Name: | Doug | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised Methodist, Became Reformed (Calvinist), then an Anglican Priest |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 01:06 pm |
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My wife's initial reaction was the same, so I didn't force the issue at all. That may not be the correct the course of action, but it worked in my situation. Of course, I was in a different situation being Anglo-Catholic.
I wish I could help... I know it has to be hard, brother. We will pray for you.
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"Love without Truth is Blind. Truth without Love is Empty." Pope Benedict XVI http://englishcatholicism.blogspot.com
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Credo Catholic
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1359 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 03:12 pm |
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| I suggest you read "Rome Sweet Home" by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. It tells of their conversions and how Kimberly reacted at first to Scott's conversion. It seems there is a section where he received advice from someone, to step back from the situation a little, and just be the best, loving husband he could be. He wasn't going to convince her by being anything less. It is an easy to read book, not heavy in theology, so maybe a reluctant wife would read it. Leave it lying around the house, with a bookmark in it on a page you'd like her to read!
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sdreidy
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Oklahoma USA |
| Posts: | 12 |
| First Name: | shawn | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Assembly of God, Southern Baptist |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 03:47 pm |
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I have stepped back totally with my wife. Hey, I understand where she is coming from.... The denomination I serve in is all she has ever known. She is third generation pentecostal and she is a pastor's kid.
My wife feels the same way as Irishman's wife. She didn't sign up for this when we got married. She feels betrayed and really can't believe God would ordain this. However, she trust me and I think she considers this a "still haven't found what I'm looking for" phase. She keeps thinking it will go away if she just denies its there. She isn't considering divorce, but we haven't actually stepped out into those waters yet. Nothing has happened yet.
Right now, nothing has changed outside of my heart and what I believe. It is time for the transition to begin and that is why my heart is heavy.
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catholic
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jan 15th, 2007 |
| Location: | Dublin, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 37 |
| First Name: | Paul | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Non-Specific Protestant -> Catholic (Latin Rite) |
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Posted: Thu Dec 13th, 2007 09:14 pm |
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I enjoy Scott Hahn's televised programs, public speaking and books. I have met him at a CH Network conference. Not having been anti-Catholic, I can't relate to anti-Catholic conversion stories. Many do. If I am not mistaken his wife (also an excellent speaker) did not enter the Church with him, but followed him later. You may want to read her conversion story and others like hers. There are lots of conversion stories online and Patrick Madrid publishes a set of "Surprised by Truth" conversion story books.
http://www.surprisedbytruth.com
Some people don't want to hear the truth of the Catholic Church. Arguing about it doesn't accomplish much.
You can walk away from RCIA at any time. If I were your sponsor I wouldn't be offended.
____________________
"A teacher who is not dogmatic is simply a teacher who is not teaching."
Gilbert K. Chesterton
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Bernadette
Member
| Joined: | Sat Oct 13th, 2007 |
| Location: | Los Angeles, California USA |
| Posts: | 10 |
| First Name: | Bernadette | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | cradle Catholic, *dramatic* conversion, Congregational, Foursquare, Amish-Mennonite, Calvary Chapel, Eastern ... |
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Posted: Wed Jan 16th, 2008 05:10 pm |
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sdreidy wrote: I tried to search for a topic about spouses that oppose conversion to the Catholic Church, but I guess I looked in the wrong places.
Hi there, and welcome! God bless you, bro. Just keep on praying!.. my own husband went from having an "intervention" with me (with his very kind and well-meaning, but terribly misinformed "Calvary Chapel" pastor and wife)... to actually encouraging me to attend Mass.  Mind you, this took over eight years, and included my getting confused and going back and forth between "evangelicalism" and the Church an embarrassing number of times. I don't understand how, but also praying the daily Rosary (while meditating on the Mysteries) served to not only strengthen my own Faith, but I believe to soften my beloved's heart as well. So... don't forget to ask our Blessed Mother for her prayers, too! My favorite Rosary book is the "Scriptural Rosary," put out by the Christianica Center (copyright 1961 & 1989), which can fit right in your pocket or briefcase. (though I did need to print the "Prayer after the Rosary" off the computer and glue it to the last page-- somehow, they had forgotten to add it!)
For even more inspiration, check out the topic, "When Only One Converts," also under "Conversaion Stories" on the forum.
Blessings to you!
____________________
"Listen to Him." --God the Father (Luke 9:35)
"Do whatever He tells you." --Blessed Mary (John 2:5)
http://www.myspace.com/donna_ellis
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dc
Member
| Joined: | Sun Dec 10th, 2006 |
| Location: | Melbourne, Australia |
| Posts: | 22 |
| First Name: | Darryl | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Baptist, Free Evangelical (Germany), International Evangelical Church (Finland), Pentecostal |
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Posted: Wed Jan 23rd, 2008 05:48 am |
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Hi Shawn,
I can't relate, actually, but I read something by someone who can. It is a very interesting article at this website by the wife of a Presbyterian pastor and can be found here: http://www.chnetwork.org/journals/eucharist/eucharist_1.htm.
This bit may be something you can consider:
"In my case, joining the Catholic Church hasn’t meant leaving my family’s congregation. I participate in the Catholic Church on my own, while continuing worship, fellowship and service with my family. It might surprise people to hear that Catholic Church leadership encourages me to do this since my family is not Catholic. Fr. Dye even told David that if I get divisive, he will be David’s advocate and get on my case."
In case any of you are wondering, yes, I do feel odd posting this. My wife isn't a Catholic and neither am I!
dc
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"Oh, you gotta mulch. You've got to." - Cosmo Kramer
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