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missmeg
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 18th, 2008 |
| Location: | Baton Rouge, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 3 |
| First Name: | Meg | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | raised baptist but lutheran is looking pretty nice |
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Posted: Wed Feb 20th, 2008 02:06 am |
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Hi! I am a college student writing a paper on the social morale of southern women and the change that has taken place over time. Everyone on the Coming Home Network seems very open and willing to help so I was hoping a few people would be willing to take a short quiz i put together just to see how prodominately catholic people view dating and the rules that go with it. This quiz is made for people with teenagers or grown kids. So here it goes...
1)How many children do you have?
2)Please give a brief description(ex. two girls both grad. high school in late '90's)
2)Did the same dating rules apply to every young adult? Did gender play any effect?
3)At what age did your children start dating?
4)Was it an inforced rule that you met the boy or girl that they were dating?
5)If you had a son did you suggest that he pay for his dates food/activity? Did you tell your daughter to not pay?
6)At what age do you think it is appropriate to be married?
Thanks yall! 
____________________
"The vision of a champion is someone bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when no one is looking" -unknown
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JillD
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Visalia, California USA |
| Posts: | 754 |
| First Name: | Jill | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | heathen, EvFree, Messianic, LC-MS, Catholic 2007 |
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Posted: Wed Feb 20th, 2008 01:40 pm |
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Are you looking for the views of only women who live in the South?? And who have teens or grown kids?
I can do the second, but I'm from California and have only been to Mississippi one time --- just days after Hurricane Camille and it was devastated.
Jill
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"I praise you, for I am wondrously made. Wonderful are our works! My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret." Ps 139
"Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men." Ps 140
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 1658 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical (1977): Diverse Protestant Influences / Catholic in 1990 |
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Posted: Wed Feb 20th, 2008 10:22 pm |
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Hi Meg,
Welcome to our forum. A great smile you have! I'll give the quiz a shot:
1)How many children do you have?
4
2)Please give a brief description(ex. two girls both grad. high school in late '90's)
Boys: 16, 14, 11
Girl: 6
2b)Did the same dating rules apply to every young adult? Did gender play any effect?
We're not there yet (to kids dating), but almost. Our oldest is autistic and they tend to start late with these things. We will have basic rules (or, guidelines sounds better) that apply to all our children (whether son or daughter), but with possible slight modifications based on degree of maturity and demonstrated responsibility.
3)At what age did your children start dating?
We think 16 or 17 is a good age as a ballpark figure, but see my last reply.
4)Was it an inforced rule that you met the boy or girl that they were dating?
I would say so. Our 14 yo (who is 6'1"!) came and told us he was starting to like a girl, and we talked all about it for a good 90 minutes. We were so proud of him, that he talked so openly about it, without embarrassment. Our kids have a great deal of innocence since they are home-schooled. But they're not socially isolated (the usual complaint about home schooling that we always hear). They go to the Catholic youth group and have other friends. We told him that being friends first is the best way to go about it if possible (as my wife and I did), and of course we are dead against premarital sex. My older boys have been to several Catholic abstinence talks, etc.
5)If you had a son did you suggest that he pay for his dates food/activity? Did you tell your daughter to not pay?
If it is a "date date" I think we would say it is traditional for the guy to pay (though it is not an ironclad principle). If they are friends, then we'd say go Dutch. I see nothing wrong with the traditional approach. I always did it when I was dating. I would have felt like I was a cheapskate if I didn't (and my impression was that the women would think so too). Of course that was 30 years ago. Maybe it is different now.
6)At what age do you think it is appropriate to be married?
21 or after college: whichever comes first. Possibly younger if very mature and financially stable, etc.
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I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 2000+ papers & web pages (absolutely free) & 16 apologetic books (for sale):
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5310 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Thu Feb 21st, 2008 12:27 am |
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missmeg wrote: Hi! I am a college student writing a paper on the social morale of southern women and the change that has taken place over time. Everyone on the Coming Home Network seems very open and willing to help so I was hoping a few people would be willing to take a short quiz i put together just to see how prodominately catholic people view dating and the rules that go with it. This quiz is made for people with teenagers or grown kids. So here it goes...
Well, since you're a neighbor (80 miles up LA 1) and a track star (!!), I'll answer even though I am far from being a "southern woman"!
1)How many children do you have?
One daughter, 29, now living in Chicagoland. She has been told that if she becomes a Bears fan, she will be disowned.
2)Please give a brief description(ex. two girls both grad. high school in late '90's)
She graduated from public high school (Central Lafourche) in 1996 then attended Tulane, but didn't finish. She is planning to resume her schooling in the fall.
2)Did the same dating rules apply to every young adult? Did gender play any effect?
Only one daughter so only one set of rules. She was an excellent student who never got into trouble and was very active at church, so we trusted her (probably more than we should have, but she didn't let us down).
I have a theory that the parents who have the strongest rules are the ones who were the baddest kids! Since my wife and I both got good grades and stayed out of trouble, we expected our daughter to do the same.
3)At what age did your children start dating?
14, but I drove her there and picked her up. (School and church events only.) 15 for movies and group dates, 16 for "single dates".
4)Was it an inforced rule that you met the boy or girl that they were dating?
Yes. She went away to the Louisiana School for Math, Science and the Arts in her junior year, but until then she did not date anyone I didn't meet (at least, no one I knew of.)
5)If you had a son did you suggest that he pay for his dates food/activity? Did you tell your daughter to not pay?
Sorry, no sons. If my daughter invited a boy to a school dance, she at least offered to pay. I don't think she ever actually did. (I did a couple of times when I was driving.) No girl I dated ever paid a nickel, and I would have expected the same of a son.
6)At what age do you think it is appropriate to be married?
I think it varies greatly depending on the individuals. I was married at 21, my wife at 15. Our 36th anniversary comes up in June. My daughter was 20, and was not ready. She is now single and living alone for the first time in her life. No one should be allowed to be married until they have lived at least one year alone, paid their own bills, washed their own clothes, cooked their own meals, and bought their own car.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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missmeg
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 18th, 2008 |
| Location: | Baton Rouge, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 3 |
| First Name: | Meg | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | raised baptist but lutheran is looking pretty nice |
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Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 04:43 pm |
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I appreciate everyones input. Jill I would love to hear how you raised your kids. It sounds like everyone had pretty much the same rules! I'll let yall know what i make on this paper!! wish me luck!
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"The vision of a champion is someone bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when no one is looking" -unknown
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5310 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 05:59 pm |
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missmeg wrote: I appreciate everyones input. Jill I would love to hear how you raised your kids. It sounds like everyone had pretty much the same rules! I'll let yall know what i make on this paper!! wish me luck!
I hope you'll stick around the forum. It would be nice to have someone around here who knows what it means to suck the heads and not eat the dead ones!
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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missmeg
Member
| Joined: | Mon Feb 18th, 2008 |
| Location: | Baton Rouge, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 3 |
| First Name: | Meg | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | raised baptist but lutheran is looking pretty nice |
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Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 06:11 pm |
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 thanks rick! its just about that time of year too!
____________________
"The vision of a champion is someone bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when no one is looking" -unknown
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BodRod
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 2nd, 2006 |
| Location: | Apple Valley, California USA |
| Posts: | 827 |
| First Name: | Cliff | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Raised an SDA, then Generic Christian, finally at home with ... |
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Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 11:03 pm |
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Hi Meg,
I feel fairly confident that Dave and Rick are not Southern Belles so I too, will try your questions.
1)How many children do you have? 4
2)Please give a brief description(ex. two girls both grad. high school in late '90's) They are boy, girl, boy, girl. (I am a firm believer in organization except when it comes to my desk!) They were 2.5 years apart except for the last one. That one (adopted) took 3 years. (You just can't depend on some teenagers!) Nowdays they are, oldest to youngest, a computer whiz (He connects hospitals, labs, MD offices and billing services together in the LA, CA area.), a dental surgery assistant (Cut and paste, implants etc. She says she likes all that blood and gushy stuff.), a dentist, and a mom to 2 teenage girls (Good luck to her!!!).
2)Did the same dating rules apply to every young adult? Did gender play any effect? Same rules for all. The rules were, "Follow the rules of the boarding school you are in!" The first three went to religious schools through university levels. The last one went to the state school for the deaf through high school.
3)At what age did your children start dating? High School.
4)Was it an inforced rule that you met the boy or girl that they were dating? No, it was not a rule but we did meet each one as we visited them in their school setting.
5)If you had a son did you suggest that he pay for his dates food/activity? Did you tell your daughter to not pay? We figured it was none of our business. We only made suggestions when they asked or when they wanted to discuss something. BTW, we approached the "homework issue" the same way.
6)At what age do you think it is appropriate to be married? I would try to discourage anyone who wanted to get married before 18 AND high school graduation. However, I think waiting until after college is better. Getting married while in grad. school is ok but it does pose a set of problems of its own.
The boarding school rules, where the kids attended, were so strict that the kids were glad to get home for long weekends and vacations where they could "live a little". Mother and I came off as the "good guys".
____________________
Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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mrsbmoo
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 305 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Methodist. RCA, Presbyterian, Holiness, Wesleyan... Catholic as of June ... |
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Posted: Sat Feb 23rd, 2008 03:20 am |
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I am both Southern and a woman with 5 Southern daughters!
1)How many children do you have?
5
2)Please give a brief description(ex. two girls both grad. high school in late '90's)
All girls-Oldest is 16 and a Senior at a Catholic school, Next is 15 and a sophmore being homeschooled, third is 12 and a seventh grader in Catholic school, Fourth is 3 and in a Baptist Preschool 2 mornings a week(Catholic preschool demands 40 hours a week attendance which I don't need as I am a stay at home mom), and the youngest is almost 6 months old.
2)Did the same dating rules apply to every young adult? Did gender play any effect?
I only have daughters but I actually might have insisted my sons wait longer as boys mature slower.
3)At what age did your children start dating?
My oldest was breifly allowed to date at 13 but we soon saw it was a mistake(she was too serious and he was too physical) and stopped the relationship. She was allowed to go out with a group of friends of mixed sex as a sophmore, then allowed to date alone with a boy as a Junior. The general rule in our household is no going out with even a mixed group until High School. The exception would be a birthday party where many in her class were invited. She also may not make or receive phone calls from boys. When they reach High School they may talk on the phone with boys and go out with a group of friends of mixed sex for a specific activity(like a movie or bowling) but not have a single exclusive relationship. Around the Junior year or age 16, depending on the girl, I would consider letting them go out alone with a boy. No daughter in my home is allowed at a boy's house(or ours for that matter) unless I know there is a parent home who will be chaperoning. (Usually I speak with that parent) or out and about town for more than 4-6 hours.
4)Was it an inforced rule that you met the boy or girl that they were dating?
No, but I generally know who there friends are so the person has never been a total stranger. I do ask many questions, through my daughter, about the person's family and faith and such before they go anywhere.
5)If you had a son did you suggest that he pay for his dates food/activity? Did you tell your daughter to not pay?
I have talked to my daughters about my feeling that the boy should pay for big events like prom tickets or food while out. Since dating is practice for interviewing husband candidates, it would be bad to marry a guy who can't provide for you, thus it says something about a boy's character when he doesn't pay or wants you to pay his way. We have also talked about not accepting clothing or expensive gifts from boys. I am a bit victorian about that.
6)At what age do you think it is appropriate to be married?
After college or around that age, sometimes later depending on the person's maturity. I agree with other posters that the person should live on their own, paying their own bills for a while before they marry.
It is intersting that most of us have similar answers even though we are of various ages and different parts of the country.
____________________
Becky
Wife of Michael(called Moo) and stay at home mom to 5 daughters between 10 months and 17
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EMarshallBuckles
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 19th, 2007 |
| Location: | Rockville (Near Richmond), Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 616 |
| First Name: | Marshall | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Christian Church,Episcopal Church,Baptist denomination,learning about RCC |
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Posted: Sat Feb 23rd, 2008 04:21 am |
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My wife and I have had only one child, rather late in the normal scheme of things, however, as one who enjoys the social sciences and has written some research papers myself, in case it might be of help to you, I will submit some answers to your questions as well. Also, I, too, am NOT a "southern belle" although my wife is a fine, southern lady! 
1) we only have one child
2) our daughter is 15 years old and being homeschooled using a Christian curriculum
2b) we don't have any dating rules because our daughter is being raised with conservative, traditional standards. She love horses and still thinks that boys have "cooties" and are amusing but, since they are not horses, she doesn't have any desire to hang around with them. If she was interested in dating, we would require traditional "courtship" instead of dating (seriously)
3) our daughter is not dating and shows no interest in it (see also 2b above)
4) If our daugher was dating, we and any chaparones we would use and the private detective who would have screened them would meet AND ACCOMPANY the boy and our daughter on any outings (not kidding and my wife would be more adamant about that than me)
5) If we had a son, and if he was interested in dating, he, too, would do "courtship", not dating, and he WOULD pay for everything (with our help if need be). If our daughter was being "courted", if she went out, she would be intructed that the boy is to pay although my wife and I would pay any expenses for the chaparones.
6) a University of Chicago study, a couple of years ago, showed what I had suspected for quite some time. Human beings do not fully mentally and emotionally mature until around age 23. We do not fully physically mature until around age 25. With those things in mind, among others, I have long felt that marriage is not wise until at least age 24 to 25 and after one has completed one's education and after one has gotten oneself established in a career of some sort. My wife was 24 and I was 26 when we were married in 1978. We had not felt as though we were ready for marriage before those ages.
I realize that what I have said above probably seems a bit unusual (ignore the freaked out looks on CajunRick's, BodRod's and Dave's faces, ha, ha, although I was freaked out myself about "sucking the heads and not eating the dead ones" - what up with THAT!! Are you all VAMPIRES?!  ), however, my wife (a child protective services social worker of 31 years of experience) and I feel that our society has very inappropriately sexualized the children and also a lot of abuse of various kinds abounds. We feel that we need to get back to a much more slow, chaste sort of search for potential mates. During the teens and early 20s, the focus should be on completing one's education and getting established in a career. My wife and I have made every effort to allow our daughter to grow and mature naturally without any in appropriate societal influences and in a Christian atmosphere. She is very happy and feels safe and loved. If she ever feels the need to try to develop a relationship with a male friend, it will be handled on a "Christian courtship basis" with the family involved and looking out for her interests as well as some big, ugly THUGS who will put the boy into the hospital if he does anything inappropriate, ha, ha! Well, anyway, hope your paper turns out well and, by the way, I am NOT the only one who feels as I have stated above! I know of a lot of other people who feel the same way. The guys practice smashing melons with baseball bats, pretending that they are the heads of potential suitors for their daughters!
Oh, by the way, in closing, please allow me to also say "GO VOLS!!! TENNESSEEE!!!!" 
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