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Ruthie
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houston, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 99 |
| First Name: | Ruthie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | nominal Presbyterian, aetheist, evangelical Christian/Episcopalian, Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Dec 18th, 2006 10:54 am |
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Those of you who have gone through the petition process to have your former marriages declared null - Did you not have any misgivings about proceeding with this process?
I am in a position where this is the only thing holding me back from being in full communion with the Catholic Church. I was married once before for 28 years. A bumpy marriage to say the least. But it was still a long time in which I gave everything I had in me to try and make it work, praying all the time, hoping, looking forward to better times. Some times were good. There were children. We had family together times, we made memories. Somehow, going through this petition process seems to me to mean that I want to erase all that has gone before, having my first marriage declared null.
All of us involved and who would be touched by this don't want to go through with it. I told my ex-husband that I would have to go through this process, just to let him know that I was doing it. (He is not Catholic.) Then I told him that, no, I couldn't go through with it after all. I told him that our marriage was considered valid in the Church's eyes even though we had divorced and both remarried. (He has since divorced again.) He said that was fine with him, somehow giving our long marriage some dignity.
My daughter was very relieved when I told her that I was not able to go through with the process. There always seems to be a deep hurt for the children, having their parents' marriage declared null. I don't blame her at all.
I feel like, even though my first marriage was troublesome, it was still a marriage, perfectly valid. It had some dignity and validity for the most part. Having started the process, the long form, I have had to think about what might have been wrong at the very beginning. I have no idea. With time it turned out that my first husband was very immature, very self-absorbed, an alcoholic, and verbally abusive. But what went wrong at the beginning? (Not that I'm trying to get anyone to help me sort that out.) Maybe mine is a case where a decree of nullity would not be granted anyway. I have deep regrets about going through with the divorce. Last year I refound my faith and the "scales dropped from my eyes." I read Scripture in a new light. Jesus said that God joins a man and a woman together and that no man should put it asunder. Marriage - a lifelong covenant.
I have been remarried for 9 years, very happily, to my high school sweetheart. My present husband was married twice before. He is not Catholic but completely respects my wish to return to the Catholic Church. However, he will not go through with the petition process because he too is unwilling to sort of "undo" his first marriages by having them declared null. He is also unwilling to have his first wives notified in any way, which is required by the process and is only fair really.
Has anyone else gone through similar doubts? I read about the elation of having former marriages declared null, which I can understand because it allows one to participate fully in the Church's Sacraments and one's present marriage to be valid and legitimate. But is there no sadness at "undoing" the first marriage? I'd just like to hear what others think about all this.
Ruthie
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Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it. (NRSV, Luke 18:17)
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beachmoss
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Simpsonville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 289 |
| First Name: | Beth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic (raised Baptist) |
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Posted: Mon Dec 18th, 2006 12:40 pm |
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Ruthie,
I will be praying for you!
When I joined the Church my husband had to have his first marriage annulled. He was worried that it might "bastardize" his children. He had a long meeting with our priest, a wonderful gentleman, and discovered that that would not happen. He would still be seen as their father, and that the annullment meant that the marriage was invalid as a sacrament in the Church.
I still don't quite understand annullments, but apparently our priest explained it to my husband's satisfaction. There is a lady in my Bible study group now waiting on one. She is so excited that things are slowly progressing on it so that she can finally join the Church.
Personally, I believe that only blessings can come from annullments. Find a good priest that you are comfortable talking with and make an appointment to discuss this with him.
In the meantime--keep praying!
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Ruthie
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houston, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 99 |
| First Name: | Ruthie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | nominal Presbyterian, aetheist, evangelical Christian/Episcopalian, Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Dec 19th, 2006 12:32 am |
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Well, there is hope. I finally have an appointment with the priest at the local parish. I hope that he can help me sort all this out. We meet after Christmas. Finally!
Ruthie
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Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it. (NRSV, Luke 18:17)
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beachmoss
Member
| Joined: | Mon Nov 13th, 2006 |
| Location: | Simpsonville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 289 |
| First Name: | Beth | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Catholic (raised Baptist) |
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Posted: Tue Dec 19th, 2006 01:12 am |
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That's great news, Ruthie!
I'll keep you in my prayers!
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