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David W. Emery
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2104 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 03:51 am |
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I'm feeling a little detached at the moment, not knowing quite how to move ahead. Things have gradually moved back to normal, but Catholic discussion is out of the question right now.
A little marching in place would seem to be in order. Too, sometimes one has to make a stopover along the way to allow loved ones to catch up.
David
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rbo4u2
Member
| Joined: | Tue Jan 16th, 2007 |
| Location: | Sunnyvale, California USA |
| Posts: | 455 |
| First Name: | Rich | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Formerly Christian & Missionary Alliance then became Presbyterian |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 02:53 pm |
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David W. Emery wrote:
I'm feeling a little detached at the moment, not knowing quite how to move ahead. Things have gradually moved back to normal, but Catholic discussion is out of the question right now.
A little marching in place would seem to be in order. Too, sometimes one has to make a stopover along the way to allow loved ones to catch up.
David
Thanks David. You are right. Oh...got on at work via Apple Safari for Windows. Surprise surprise.
Anyway...busy day ahead. Keep praying as this has become a longer journey than anticipated.
Rich
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Credo Catholic
Member
| Joined: | Sat May 5th, 2007 |
| Location: | Greenville, South Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 1400 |
| First Name: | Marsha | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 03:29 pm |
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| Keep it up Rich. She doesn't know what a gem she has, but she will one day. And it will all be worth it for both of you. Still praying for you both. God bless
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Steven Barrett
Member
| Joined: | Tue Nov 14th, 2006 |
| Location: | Hadley, Massachusetts USA |
| Posts: | 974 |
| First Name: | Steven | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic, Episcopal communicant, Baptist, Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Apr 24th, 2008 05:00 pm |
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 Rick,
I could be playing out of the foul lines here, but, isn't this annulment process you're having the problem with your wife over, a nullification of the farce that your first wife made out of (that marriage)? It shouldn't be seen as a reflection on the present marriage you've been blessed with for three decades. Maybe sharing that perspective might bring some long lost warmth between you both.
There are other factors to keep in mind as well, and they may be biological, stresses from her job, your inlaws, you name it. I'll never forget my wife's strong reaction to my scheduling our oldest daughter's baptism (before consulting her, a courtesy I surely blew things by not considering.) She never liked the idea of the mixed marriage dispensation process and especially later finding out that I didn't to sign the papers.
Had I just used my head, and remembered that she was "letting me have it" even for something I felt honor bound to fulfill (I was also writing for the local diocesan paper, no less, then, too) - at a very delicate time -- that post - partum period, I'd have kept my big fat irish yap shut and not resorted to my version of what Obama calls Hillary's "kitchen sink" approach.
"Pride ruled my way ..." saith Newman, and Barrett payeth.
It may still be THE thing keeping my wife from coming over, or something else, perhaps she needs more time to get over a natural maternal outrage she justfiably feels about the pedophile scandals. Whatever it might be, I've learned that pushing what can't be "controlled" or "reasoned through" hours and hours of sometimes pointless "dialogue" -- especially between husbands and wives makes no sense. Our feelings are so intense and sometimes it's best to just pray and let God be God when it comes to these kind of very difficult situations.
Sometimes the best "dialogue" is simply no dialogue on these subjects that will ALWAYS pose nothing less than a WWI "no man's land." When you "go over the top," well, your chances of making it rank between slim and zip.
I sometimes hear well-meaning people say we "... need to engage in constant dialogue, bolstered by constant prayer ... " I'll go for the latter moreso than the former knowing from experience that unless both sides honestly want to handle this in a cool and loving manner, all the fancy-schmancy talk about and for "dialogue" is just that talk. Leave the dialoging business in the hands of canon lawyers, arbitration services and do what God expects us to do best: put our trust in prayers to Him.
As for annulment, you might tell her the CC has no "monopoly" here. It's also allowed in the state courts as well. After all, say an atheist doesn't want to live with any shame he or she might attach to divorce, and the marriage he or she entered into was a joke, much like what your ex had in mind all along. That wasn't a real marriage. But it's no reflection upon the subsequent marriage any more than a bad business deal that was never truly consummated by one of the partners with respective intent to follow through on both legal and moral expectations. You were a victim of fraud, plain and simple, be it marriage or delivery of promised (quality) goods and services in the civil business realm.
Read what I said over and over...then call your priest and see what he says. But remember, your wife is reeling over things she never thought in a zillion years she'd have to deal with. Conversion probably shook her more than you realized at first; now she's looking at a very, very (sometimes overly and needlessly overly) complicated issue on top of it all.
Your present marriage isn't the issue; it's the wiping the old slate clean, and your missues ought to be damn pleased to have that slate cleaned once and for all.
The Church's laws, based on what Jesus told us in the Gospels, were put in place not to keep women in bondage, but instead to liberate their dignity from a lot of SOBs. Compared to Rome's rules, there's nothing else "out there" offering so much protection for a woman's dignity.
Her ultra fundamentalist Protestant, Mormon, Muslim and Orthodox Jewish sisters would surely agree.
Keep your "dialogue" on, and trust in, God. Believe me, He's always got things figured out for our best. He always has and always will. We just have to be patient and bright enough to have the sense not to get in His way.Last edited on Thu Apr 24th, 2008 05:05 pm by Steven Barrett
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For anybody interested in reading commentary from a Catholic's socially conservative/fiscally liberal viewpoint, go to my new blog at http://www.politicsramble.com/ .
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