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CajunRick
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5310 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Tue Nov 27th, 2007 09:54 pm |
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ASUNCION, Paraguay, NOV. 27, 2007 (Zenit.org).- The Church's mission to lead everyone toward salvation should always embrace those who are divorced and civilly remarried, say members of a ministry for Catholics who have experienced broken marriages.
Benedict XVI spoke about divorced and remarried people during a question and answer session while on vacation last summer. He encouraged priests to help these couples grow closer to the Lord through their suffering.
The Pope's address was an affirmation for a couple from Paraguay, Sonia and Eduardo Morales, of the Catholic Schoenstatt movement. The Morales had already taken the first steps in a ministry for divorced and remarried couples in 2005, at a meeting of the Latin American bishops' council.
In that gathering, each of the countries represented spoke on the theme of "Irregular Families." The presentations led the couple to ask themselves: If Schoenstatt is for everyone, don't we have to do something for these children of God who find themselves in this situation?
The Morales shared their idea with other members of Schoenstatt. And two years ago, "Pastoral de Esperanza" (Ministry of Hope) was added to the pastoral initiatives of the movement's family ministry, along with courses for dating and engaged couples and other ministries that aim to answer Pope John Paul II's call: "Save the family at all costs."
Mother and teacher
In May 2006, with a conference from Father Antonio Cosp and about 30 couples, the ministry was born, Kornelia Fischer, a Schoenstatt representative, told ZENIT.
"'Pastoral de Esperanza,'" she said, "wants to be an answer from the Church, which cannot be indifferent to these painful situations, which as Mother and teacher […] fulfills its mission of leading to salvation all the baptized."
Fischer continued: "The desire to welcome them in truth, with warmth and respect, moves [those who minister to these couples] to accompany them with hope in overcoming the strong impact of a separation, and taking on the challenge of building solidly the bases of a new life. Schoenstatt wants to show them that they are still children of God, like before the separation, and that the attitude of children who know they are loved will help them to experience healing forgiveness and open untold paths of spiritual growth."
The ministry does not take on roles of mediation or negotiation in conflicts, she added. Nor does it offer couples therapy.
Fischer said that Schoenstatt, as an ecclesial movement, wants to fulfill that which John Paul II urged in “Familiaris Consortio": “The Church's pastoral concern will not be limited only to the Christian families closest at hand; it will extend its horizons in harmony with the heart of Christ, and will show itself to be even more lively for families in general and for those families in particular which are in difficult or irregular situations. For all of them the Church will have a word of truth, goodness, understanding, hope and deep sympathy with their sometimes tragic difficulties."
The ministry works by offering a yearlong cycle of formative talks and monthly get-togethers, in which leaders seek to strengthen the couples in their Christian faith and support them in their roles as parents.
Spiritual retreats also form part of the process, during which the movement seeks to teach the couples what the Pontifical Council for the Family encouraged: "Bring these, our brothers and sisters, to understand that the Church loves them, that she is not distant from them and she suffers for their situation. The divorced and remarried are and will continue to be her members because they have been baptized and conserve the Christian faith."
The retreats, said Fischer, are a chance for these couples to have "a very special blessing, an opportunity to again feel like they are beloved children of God."
The above article is reposted with permission from Zenit.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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abbycat
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 17th, 2008 |
| Location: | Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 138 |
| First Name: | abby | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Non-Denomational Charismatic, Lutheran |
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Posted: Sat Jan 19th, 2008 04:23 am |
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Hi there ..... I read with interest your message about ministry to those who are divorced. I can tell you, just from my own experience, admittedly not in a Catholic church, that this is sorely needed. I know for myself that this whole experience was the most horrific, most agonizingly painful one of my entire life, and I am 63. It is not hard to understand, on many levels, why God hates divorce. He knows all the aspects of what it does to us .... spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally. My entire life came crashing down before me ... everything I'd worked toward, everything I cared about, and everyone I cared about was thrown into turmoil. In my heart and mind, my world had ended. I could not see how there was any way I would ever be able to get out of the horrible depression in which I found myself. But, as He always does, God provided just what I needed, at the exact time I needed it...... a dear girlfriend from church who told me (way before I even left my husband) that I could stay in her upstairs rooms "if I ever needed to do that"; a Godly Christian Psychologist who walked with me, emotionally and spiritually, through all those years; several trusted heart friends, Christians all, who were there - day or night - available for a phone call, a visit, a cup of tea. And, most perfectly, God provided me a lovely condo where I could initially hide and begin to heal. I have several female neighbors who are Christians, my children have excellent relationships with both me and their Dad - as much as you can with someone who is disordered. There is no way I would have ever imagined that I would walk that long painful road, but it happened. And .... for folks like me, who were perhaps not so fortunate and blessed as I was, a caring, safe, supportive ministry within a church environment can be a haven in the storm. I attended several 13-week sessions of something called "Divorce Care" during which time God just wrapped His Arms around me and helped me begin to again stand up and walk. Divorced people need support, and they need to know that there is a place for them in God's World ... something they often feel has been lost forever.
God bless you richly,
abby
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 1657 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical (1977): Diverse Protestant Influences / Catholic in 1990 |
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Posted: Sat Jan 19th, 2008 09:14 pm |
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| Thanks again, Abby, for sharing from your heart. I admire that, and I'm sure many others here do, too. In sharing, you can help yourself heal. May your story help us all to have more compassion for and with those who have suffered the trauma of divorce.
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I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 2000+ papers & web pages (absolutely free) & 16 apologetic books (for sale):
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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abbycat
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 17th, 2008 |
| Location: | Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 138 |
| First Name: | abby | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Non-Denomational Charismatic, Lutheran |
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Posted: Mon Jan 21st, 2008 01:54 pm |
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Thank you so much, Dave, for your kind words. I think having gone through the dark waters of divorce, the only way to help those going through it, having gone through it, and to prevent others from going through it, is to share it .... in all its ugliness. And, ugly, it is. It is a unit that is ripped apart ... not nicely as if a straight seem, but more like the tearing in half of flesh, because that's what it is. I have encouraged other women, who are contemplating leaving their husbands, to seek our groups such as Divorce Care, to first just attend and listen to the pain and agony those folks have to walk through. I believe many have some fantasy idea of "how wonderful it will be" .... that could not be farther from the truth. I still grieve my divorce from my husband of 40 years, but he left me no choice. I still pray for God to break through his haze and realize his illness and seek the help he needs. That is a work only God can do at this point.
God bless you, Dave,
abby
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Dave Armstrong
Network Apologist
| Joined: | Fri Nov 2nd, 2007 |
| Location: | Melvindale, Michigan USA |
| Posts: | 1657 |
| First Name: | Dave | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Evangelical (1977): Diverse Protestant Influences / Catholic in 1990 |
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Posted: Mon Jan 21st, 2008 08:34 pm |
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My wife's best friend went through a situation where she was virtually emotionally abused by her husband. I can't give much information in a public forum, but things developed and they wound up getting divorced. Since then, the woman highly regretted how she had acted (and I hasten to add that it wasn't nearly as bad as the husband thought, and what many may think, reading this). Slowly, they have been taking steps of getting back together for extended visits, largely because of the havoc that it wreaked on the children, and they are considering a remarriage.
My wife was in a very unique situation because:
1) She remained close friends with her best friend throughout the whole thing and didn't turn her back on her, even when she was doing and saying wrong things, and other "friends" of hers were leaving in droves.
2) She loved her friend enough to tell her she was wrong and would regret seeking a divorce (and now the friend knows my wife was exactly right and that she should have heeded her advice).
3) She has also remained on friendly terms with the husband too, at all times.
This is quite a feat! I'm extremely proud of my wife and also of our friend, because she has truly repented for her part in this and is working very hard to make things right. It seems that not many "friends" behave in accordance with #1. #2 is also rare because people don't like to state unpopular truths that will probably make the other angry, or to rebuke friends, even though they should if the situation requires it. #3 is perhaps the rarest of all, because people normally choose sides when a divorce has ooccurred. My wife and I both have never believed in disposable friendships, and try to approach people with agape love, so this was out of the question.
The husband clearly has a serious psychological problem (probably bipolar and/or obsessive-compulsive disorder). He also has a huge anger problem. I have stated that their problems will never be resolved unless the root of it, or at least a big part (largely, his problems, as I see it, from what I know) is dealt with. Lately there are signs that he may finally admit that he has a problem.
Those situations are very sad because medicine has made such great progress in dealing with psychological and emotional disorders (just in the last twenty years a lot of new things have been discovered). Many of these conditions are quite treatable by pills and counseling, if necessary. But people refuse. So what might very well be a solutiuon is rendered impossible by the stubbornness and pride of people. I find that a very sad thing. People often create their own misery, unnecessarily.
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I'm happy to offer whatever theological & personal assistance I can. My blog, Biblical Evidence for Catholicism, contains 2000+ papers & web pages (absolutely free) & 16 apologetic books (for sale):
http://www.biblicalcatholic.com/
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mrsbmoo
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 305 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Methodist. RCA, Presbyterian, Holiness, Wesleyan... Catholic as of June ... |
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Posted: Tue Jan 22nd, 2008 12:28 am |
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Wow, can I be friends with your wife , one of most painful parts of my divorce was having all the women in the evangelical church I attended act like I had a contagious disease and imply I had caused any infidelity my husband had. I had only one friend who stayed frfiends, one I had been friends with since we were in Second grade.
As I was exploring the Catholic church, one of the local churches had on their web site not to be discouraged from becoming Catholic by a previous divorce. They were so welcoming to me in spite of my divorce that I probably would have remained attending, even if my annullment had been denied.
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Becky
Wife of Michael(called Moo) and stay at home mom to 5 daughters between 10 months and 17
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abbycat
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| Joined: | Thu Jan 17th, 2008 |
| Location: | Maryland USA |
| Posts: | 138 |
| First Name: | abby | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Non-Denomational Charismatic, Lutheran |
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Posted: Tue Jan 22nd, 2008 01:59 am |
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It is sad when one partner refuses to acknowledge their piece of the situation. I've been in therapy with a Godly Christian Psychologist for 7 years now, and have learned all too well my piece of this. My former spouse has a severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder ... I know God can do anything, but the number of people who actually acknowledge that there may be anything that is theirs of this, is practically 0. We went to marriage counseling for 3 months, and the icy-ness and obvious lack of any feeling at all, plus the total lack of empathy or compassion ... well, it is hard to hear that from one you've entrusted with your very life. As I said before ... this is God's work ... He is the only one that can change the heart. Our 3 adult children are running into the manifestations of this disorder now that I no longer am around him to "buffer" everything he says and does. And, regarding friends ... well, there are a few folks - Christians - who bluntly told me that "they could no longer meet with me if I pursued leaving my husband." There was little I could say or do as I was not going to go into my husband's illness to them ... they are left believing that I am a totally fallen away woman. That isn't the case at all ... in fact, my relationship with our Lord is so much different and closer than ever before from having to cling to Him even more closely throughout this nightmare.
abby
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