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jumpdog
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| Joined: | Fri Dec 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Charlotte, North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 27 |
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Posted: Tue Sep 18th, 2007 05:58 pm |
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I am in the middle of a huge fiasco! My younger sister was married in the Church to an abusive man and has since gotten a civil divorce. She applied for an annullment, but it has been 6 years with no decision. We just found out that the ex-husband has been fighting the annullment. She met another man 4 years ago, and they have decided that they are not going to wait any longer. They are going to be married in their backyard by a protestant minister (they are cohabitating).
I have refused to attend the wedding. My father says that I am committing serious sin by not attending with the rest of the family. To make matters worse, he's an ordained deacon (and plans to "bless" the rings).
I have looked in the Catechism and the Code of Canon Law, but I did not find any specific language saying that attending an invalidly attempted wedding (by a catholic) is a sin (although I know that it is).
Can anyone point me in the right direction to find it?
Please pray for me and my whole family... things have gotten very ugly over the past 24 hours.
Jumpdog
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2034 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Sep 18th, 2007 08:37 pm |
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Hi, jumpdog. Been a while.
Six years is a long time with no decision on an annulment, but if this is truly because the ex-husband is not cooperating, your sister might have filed for radical sanation. But I suppose it's too late to bring that up.
You are right about it not being proper for you to attend an invalid wedding, especially if it follows a period of cohabitation with no indication of repentance. The more likely category of sin for attending would be scandal, since your presence would be appearing to condone the couple's actions and the union itself.
Your father should know better than to insist that it would be "seriously sinful" for you not to attend this wedding. Have you asked him on what ground it would be a sin?
The EWTN Q&A Forum deals with this invalid wedding problem frequently, and I suggest you look through their archives for more information.
David
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jumpdog
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| Joined: | Fri Dec 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Charlotte, North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 27 |
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Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2007 10:36 am |
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Thanks, David!
I've been visiting the site regularly, but I haven't posted in a while.
The wedding is the 29th of this month (10 days). I broke the news that I would not attend last Sunday night. I received a brief call from Dad on Monday afternoon, and yesterday all hell broke loose!
Dad's parish is the cathedral where the Bishop Jurgis resides, and Dad actually has an office there too (hence he has access to the Bishop). We had a heated discussion on the phone yesterday, but we agreed to present the facts and let the Bishop make the decision as to whether is would be acceptable to attend. I guess that I am taking a bit of a risk agreeing to abide by the Bishop's decision, but I'm pretty sure he's fairly orthodox.
I don't know how Dad could be so wrong about this subject, but hopefully the Bishop will straighten him out. I also intend on contacting the Bishop myself.
A friend just suggested to look inthe Code of Canon Law under Scandal (actually, he's a recent convert). It's a shame that a recent convert is more othodox than an ordained deacon (as well as my father)!
I'll keep you posted.
Jumpdog
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David W. Emery
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Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2007 02:24 pm |
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OK, jumpdog. It sounds like everything is under control. Actually, if you take the bishop's advice, he as pastor, not you, will be responsible. So have no fear, no matter what he says.
David
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jumpdog
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| Joined: | Fri Dec 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Charlotte, North Carolina USA |
| Posts: | 27 |
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Posted: Thu Oct 4th, 2007 06:09 pm |
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Well, it's done. She got married in her backyard... and I did not attend. My entire family is not-at-all happy with me right now!!
I spoke to Bishop Jurgis on the Wednesday prior to the ceremony, and he gave me a somewhat complicated answer.
I explained the whole situation, and he agreed that my sister and her fiance would be placing themselves in a grave situation by marrying outside of the Church.
However, he said that I could choose either... go or don't go.
His reason for allowing me to go was that since I had expressed to them the consequences of their actions (based on Church teachings and not "my opinion"), I could go as long as I did not participate in the actual ceremony and did not throw a wet blanket on the entire occasion ("grin and bear it" in his words).
He also said that I was in no way obligated to go-- even if it was a family member.
Instead of going, I went to a local perpetual adoration chapel (during the exact hour) and prayed the Rosary.
My wife and 2 kids did go (they are not Catholic), and said that my entire family was very disappointed with me. I haven't talked sith any of them, and I don't plan to for a while.
Please pray for them.
Jumpdog
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Angie_Rivas1
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| Joined: | Wed Oct 11th, 2006 |
| Location: | Downey, USA |
| Posts: | 110 |
| First Name: | Angie | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Cradle Catholic |
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Posted: Thu Oct 4th, 2007 11:03 pm |
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Jumpdog I hope things get better in your family. I will praying for your situation.
David,
I am not sure if I understand this correctly. It is a sin to attend a noncatholic wedding, or is it just in a situation similar to jumpdog's? What if both people are Christian and never lived together? Is it still a sin to attend their Christian ceremony? I want to know for future reference.
Angie
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"Be not afraid" JPII
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David W. Emery
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Posted: Fri Oct 5th, 2007 12:59 am |
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Angie_Rivas1 wrote:
Is it a sin to attend a noncatholic wedding, or is it just in a situation similar to jumpdog's? What if both people are Christian and never lived together? Is it still a sin to attend their Christian ceremony? I want to know for future reference.
It is imprudent and potentially a cause of scandal to attend the wedding of a couple who are contracting an invalid union. In other words, if the marriage they will be making is null and invalid because they have violated the natural moral foundation of marriage, a Christian believer should not attend the wedding. This applies to any Christian, not just Catholics, and to any marriage, not just Catholic weddings.
Couples, Catholics and non-Catholics alike, marrying in a morally correct manner are contracting a valid union, so one may indeed attend and celebrate with them. It does not have to be a Catholic wedding.
The reason jumpdog refused to attend his sister's wedding is that she had previously been married and that marriage had not been declared null or invalid. This means that, by the presumption of the Church, her second marriage could not be valid.
There was also the problem of publicly known cohabitation before the second marriage. This sin and scandal was evidently not repented of, making the wedding a mockery.
If jumpdog’s sister, a Catholic, had obtained a declaration of nullity for her first marriage, then her second marriage would have been valid. This still does not excuse the cohabitation, which also would require repentance and reparation (and for a Catholic, confession and absolution) before the wedding.
David
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