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Grace2U
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 26th, 2007 |
| Location: | Oslo, Norway |
| Posts: | 19 |
| First Name: | Inga | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Calvinist, briefly ICOC (the Boston movement), Pentecostal, soon-to-be- Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jul 29th, 2007 04:38 pm |
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I could not help but wondering, reading all the previous topics, about my own situation . I started dating my husband when he was still married, although separated, his wife living with another man (My conscience, then and most certainly now clearly indicated that this was wrong). Now, he got married very young, neither of them were Christian, his first wife still isn't.
We got married after he got a divorce from her, some years after they separated. Both marriages were performed by a civil authority (in another country where church marriages are not legally valid), but we received a blessing in our Pentecostal church afterwards. He is not a Catholic, and at the moment has absolutely no intention of becoming one, but if I am led by the Lord to convert, what would normally be required of me in this case (beside genuine repentance for the initial circumstances of this, now very blessed, union)
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David W. Emery
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2037 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Sun Jul 29th, 2007 05:25 pm |
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Yes, Inga, this situation would pose a problem should you seek to enter the Catholic Church. The reason is explained by the gospel:
And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to put her away.” But Jesus said to them, “For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one.’ So they are no longer two but one. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.” And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:2–12)
What would be required is that your husband’s previous marriage be proved null; that is, that before God it did not qualify as a marriage, even though the state government recognized it as such. This is done through a Church tribunal, where experts in the Church’s own law study the facts of the union at the time it began and determine if it met the Church’s criteria for a valid marriage. Such a union does not have to be a Christian marriage; the ruling simply discovers whether both parties were morally capable of contracting a valid marriage and whether they did in fact do so. A marriage which fails this test is null, which (assuming there are no further complications, such as additional previous marriages) would leave both parties free to marry.
A decree of nullity is not like a divorce. A divorce presumes to terminate an existing, valid marriage. A decree of nullity changes nothing, but simply acknowledges the fact that a presumed marriage never really existed. No one is accused of any crime, and any children from such a union are recognized as legitimate because the union was recognized by the secular authority.
David
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Christine Ann
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | An Hours' Drive From Cincinnati, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 115 |
| First Name: | Christine Ann | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Lutheran, Baptist, now Catholic. |
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Posted: Mon Jul 30th, 2007 12:28 am |
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Hello Inga,
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your marital situation. I decided, if the Lord truly wanted me to be Catholic (and I believe he does), he will make a way. Both my first marriage and my husband's must be declared null, before I can become fully Catholic and participate in the sacraments.
We have just submitted our petitions for Declaration of Nullity to the tribunal. It took us several months of prayer and consideration about the questions we were asked. It's a lengthy process and something I felt at times would be impossible to do, but I've gotten this far and there will be no turning back now. Now we must pray...
My husband also says he has no intention of becoming Catholic, but wanted to do this for me so that I could follow the Lord's leading.
I think you'll find others on the forum who can support you should you decide to petition for a Declaration of Nullity. I guess what I'm trying to communicate is that you not be discouraged and allow your marital situation to block you from pursuing the fullness of Truth that is in the Catholic Church. With God all things are possible.
In His love,
Christine Ann
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Grace2U
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 26th, 2007 |
| Location: | Oslo, Norway |
| Posts: | 19 |
| First Name: | Inga | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Calvinist, briefly ICOC (the Boston movement), Pentecostal, soon-to-be- Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Jul 30th, 2007 03:51 am |
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Thank you David, thank you Christine Ann
I had a feeling years ago the whole thing was yet going to come up. It is good to walk a straight path before the Lord from the beginning, however, I believe the Lord can make our paths straight...
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David W. Emery
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2037 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Mon Jul 30th, 2007 08:33 am |
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Inga, I believe I should add a few details about what will be required. God willing the difficulties will not prove insurmountable.
First, you will be asked to provide witnesses who will be able to testify to the circumstances and dispositions of both your husband and his former wife both before and at the time of their wedding. Friends and relatives are the usual source here; hopefully they will agree to provide their testimony, which would normally be given in written form.
Second, if his petition for a declaration of nullity is successful, then you and your husband would need to have your marriage blessed by the Catholic Church (what is called a convalidation) to make sure it corresponds with all the requirements of the Church’s law. This would be similar to what you did in the Pentecostal church. It is necessary to do it again because the first time was before his previous marriage was known to be null, not because a Pentecostal ceremony is considered invalid.
Finally you should remember that, for any of a variety of reasons, not all failed marriages can be proved null. You and your husband need to be aware that this could happen in your case, and discuss with the priest and between yourselves what you can do in that event. Sometimes another remedy can be pursued.
David
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Grace2U
Member
| Joined: | Thu Jul 26th, 2007 |
| Location: | Oslo, Norway |
| Posts: | 19 |
| First Name: | Inga | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | Calvinist, briefly ICOC (the Boston movement), Pentecostal, soon-to-be- Catholic |
| Status: |
Offline
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Posted: Tue Jul 31st, 2007 05:24 am |
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Thanks David. I think the Church shows great wisdom in this matter. I thought it only mattered when a person was Catholic or at least baptised. That was more or less the attitude of the Churches of Christ (the Boston movement), that whatever you did prior to becoming a Christian cannot be undone. All other Protestant churches just never seem to care, with a few exceptions.
On a more personal note, I am not quite sure my husband will feel the same way, at least not in the beginning. Ours was a long story, including almost two years of living in different countries and having to travel to and fro. He would not be overjoyed to be reminded of the past in this manner. I do not believe they understood what marriage was, neither did we, for that matter, but it is good to know now.
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David W. Emery
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2037 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Tue Jul 31st, 2007 07:34 am |
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I am not quite sure my husband will feel the same way, at least not in the beginning.… He would not be overjoyed to be reminded of the past in this manner.
Due primarily to misconceptions, this is a common attitude. To the contrary, the process of laying the past to rest through a decree of nullity can be very healing. So if your husband finds the past painful, this may be just what he needs to be liberated from it and begin to feel confident about the present and future.
Provided the evidence necessary to proceed is available, any person who has ever been married can receive a determination of that marriage’s validity before God. One does not have to be Catholic or even Christian.
There are costs involved for the expenses incurred by the work of different people, and the petitioner will be expected to pay these. But one’s inability to cover the costs will not prevent the case from proceeding.
David
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