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Christine Ann
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | An Hours' Drive From Cincinnati, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 118 |
| First Name: | Christine Ann | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Lutheran, Baptist, now Catholic. |
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Posted: Fri May 11th, 2007 11:40 pm |
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Hello,
My first marriage ended tragically. I'm feeling that it never should have been ended (dissolution). I was incapacited and miscommunication occurred. This is so hard to explain. We had problems, serious ones, but we loved each other. Recently I discovered that my attorney at the time made a serious miscommunication about my husband's desire for divorce. In pre-paring my Declaration of Nullity, I have had to contact my former husband and talk with him and this came out in our discussion. I was told by my attorney that my husband said if I did not go through with the dissolution, he would file for divorce. This was my understanding when I undertook to dissolve my marriage not because I wanted to but because I believed I had no choice. Now he says he did not indicate that at all.
I have remarried. Now I'm questioning that, too. Father Ted told me that I have good reason for a Declaration of Nullity and it is likely to be approved. But in light of this new information I am questioning that. I am in a terrible turmoil over this...it is all so painful and confusing. I want so badly to partake of the Eucharist...to be truly a Catholic. But now I don't know if I can go through with this Declaration.
My present husband knows nothing about any of this. I don't know what to think or do. And yet I'm thinking that the dissolution should never have happened. I submitted to what I thought he wanted and proceeded with the dissolutionment. I really need help with this...it feels like my whole world is falling apart. Has anyone else found themselves believing that they have made such a terrible mistake. Am I in mortal sin?? for remarrying. What am I to do? Perhaps I don't deserve a Declaration of Nullity at all.....My soul is in agony.
Christine Ann
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mrsbmoo
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 311 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Methodist. RCA, Presbyterian, Holiness, Wesleyan... Catholic as of June ... |
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Posted: Fri May 11th, 2007 11:54 pm |
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Can you clarify what you mean by dissolution vs divorce? Are you saying your marriage was annulled by the state?
I sounds to me like even if you were misled about the reason for the end of the marriage, there must have been some serious flaws in the marriage to be communicating only through a lawyer.
____________________
Becky
Wife of Michael(called Moo) and stay at home mom to 5 daughters between 10 months and 17
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David W. Emery
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| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Brownsville, Texas USA |
| Posts: | 2101 |
| First Name: | David | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Catholic |
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 12:07 am |
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Since we have discussed some of this privately, I suppose that I am the one indicated to reply.
Miscommunication after the wedding, especially on the part of a third party, does not really count in assessing whether a union is valid or not. The fact that you were, as you say, “incapacitated” at the time of the wedding is all the tribunal need consider. Yes, you may have loved one another in the “broken” way you have described to me. But your capacity to make a covenant of marriage and live it out was impaired, and this is what you based your petition for a declaration of nullity on.
You need to read this thread, in which someone with a similar difficulties proceeded to divorce her husband, whom she loved, and seek a declaration of nullity based on the original reasons why she and her husband chose to marry. The tribunal did, in fact, find that their union was null.
So I agree with your priest, Fr. Ted, that you have a good reason, and it is likely that the tribunal will be able to find that your original union was null.
David
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Christine Ann
Member
| Joined: | Mon Oct 9th, 2006 |
| Location: | An Hours' Drive From Cincinnati, Ohio USA |
| Posts: | 118 |
| First Name: | Christine Ann | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Lutheran, Baptist, now Catholic. |
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 12:11 am |
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Becky,
Dissolutionment in my state means that both parties are agreeable to end the marriage. Divorce is when one party sues the other usually with cause.
My marriage was ended by dissolution. I believed that he would sue me for divorce if I did not cooperate with the dissolution. I didn't really want the marriage to end. I felt I had no choice but to proceed. This was all done through attorneys.
You are right...there was a huge factor in that we did not communicate directly.
Christine Ann
[NOTE: Very personal information deleted. -- Rick] Last edited on Sat May 12th, 2007 12:26 am by
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CajunRick
Network Helper
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Houma, Louisiana USA |
| Posts: | 5353 |
| First Name: | Rick (& Kermie) | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Lifetime Catholic, Latin Rite |
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 12:13 am |
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Christine Ann wrote: Has anyone else found themselves believing that they have made such a terrible mistake. Am I in mortal sin?? for remarrying. What am I to do? Perhaps I don't deserve a Declaration of Nullity at all.....My soul is in agony.
As you said, there were serious problems with the marriage. Do you wish you were still married to him instead of to your second husband? Legally, does it really matter if the marriage ended through annulment, dissolution, or divorce? I'm not even sure what the real difference and the legal ramifications are. I don't think it matters to the Church. The fact is that you were married legally, and the marriage was legally ended.
Your priest gave his assessment on the likelihood of the Declaration of Nullity being granted based on the facts in the case. Have the facts changed? Have the circumstances that led the two of you to be communicating only through attorneys changed? Have the circumstances that caused you to no longer be living together changed? Somehow, I doubt it.
It is not for you to judge whether you "deserve" a Declaration of Nullity. Only the Church can determine whether a marriage is sacramental, and whether a declaration is "deserved".
Are you living in mortal sin? A mortal sin is a deliberate act. Did you deliberately choose this path? Or are you making every attempt to rectify it?
It's up to you to determine whether to continue, but I would certainly recommend it. If your first marriage was truly sacramental, the Church will judge it so. But I also think it's likely that if it was sacramental, you would not be able to say "we had problems, serious ones" that led to your marriage being dissolved.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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mrsbmoo
Member
| Joined: | Fri Sep 29th, 2006 |
| Location: | Virginia USA |
| Posts: | 311 |
| First Name: | Becky | | Gender: | Female | | Faith History: | former Methodist. RCA, Presbyterian, Holiness, Wesleyan... Catholic as of June ... |
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Posted: Sat May 12th, 2007 12:22 am |
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Sorry, Christine, I wasn't meaning to pry. My first husband and I dissolved our marriage by that definition. I could have sued him for divorce on grounds of adultery but felt it was pointless to embarrass his parents and our kids. For some reason in Virginia, they still call it a divorce.
I still think regardless of your feelings about the way things were handled, you would have been unable to give consent to a sacremental marriage. This is not say say the marriage never could have become sacremental had things happened differently but they didn't. Don't beat yourself up over it. We can only make decisions in the present not with years of hindsight and wisdom.
____________________
Becky
Wife of Michael(called Moo) and stay at home mom to 5 daughters between 10 months and 17
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