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Laughing Elf
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| First Name: | Rod | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | Methodist, PCA, agnostic, Buddhist, Episcopalian, Methodist |
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 12:33 am |
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I'm glad Connie posted on the same topic earlier. Hopefully I can frame my question such that the answers are from a different hue, since my question is such. That way perhaps we can receive a broad based series of answers to one of the sacraments of the Church. 
My question is simple: "After confessing personal sins to a parish priest, how do I look him in the eye afterwards?"
In otherwords, I'd be squirming inside knowing that Father "Pat" (made up name) knew my deepest sins. How could I establish a personal relationship with him? How does he function in a parish where he knows the sins of the local Church?
How do the interpersonal dynamics flow under this sacramental umbrella?
Peace,
Rod
____________________
"Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight."
Tolkien, LOTR I
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BodRod
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 01:20 am |
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There used to be a religious speaker on TV called Garner Ted Armstrong. As I remember, one of his repeated phrases was ,"You can always depend on good old rotten human behavior". I think he was right and with that concept for a base, I doubt if there is much behavior that priests have not heard at one time or another. If I read Romans correctly, we ALL, including the priest, have sinned. Another point to consider is that the priests hear so much in any given hour or more of confessions, they can't possibly remember it all. I can see where a priest might remember a confession about a murder but other than that, I think they are somewhat overwhelmed with their work load and they don't remember much, if any, of the confessions. If a confession was about a social indiscretion, my perseption of humans is that those kinds of sins abound and there is no way a priest can remember them all. My pastor, who accepted me into the Church, has been listening to my confessions for years, including some of the stuff I did before I was a member of the RCC and he still shakes my hand on Sundays and thanks me for helping out.
So, what does all this mean? Don't worry about! 
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Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro.
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Intercessor
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 02:22 am |
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Laughing Elf wrote:
My question is simple: "After confessing personal sins to a parish priest, how do I look him in the eye afterwards?"
In otherwords, I'd be squirming inside knowing that Father "Pat" (made up name) knew my deepest sins. How could I establish a personal relationship with him? How does he function in a parish where he knows the sins of the local Church?
How do the interpersonal dynamics flow under this sacramental umbrella?
How do you look him in the eye afterwards? The same way you look a doctor in the eye after telling him about your indigestion and being handed a prescription.
I don't keep secrets from my physicians. I'm even more determined not to keep secrets from my confessor, since he is Christ to me in that sacrament. I am as honest and forthcoming with him as I would be with Christ Himself.
My experience has been that the interpersonal dynamics flow more easily, rather than less easily, with a regular confessor. It's a special relationship with a holy friend and advisor who takes sin seriously and wants to help you overcome its power in your life, who longs to see you gain ground spiritually. A good confessor (even if he remembers your confessed sins) understands that he himself is also a sinner and will have a spirit of humility. He will not reject or condemn or belittle you after hearing your confessions.
If you find your experience with a confessor is different from what I have described, find a priest outside your parish to use as a regular confessor. You don't have to use your own pastor as a confessor if he is making you uncomfortable.Last edited on Tue Feb 26th, 2008 03:18 am by Intercessor
____________________
"He who will persevere unto the end is not he who will never fall, but he who after every fall will humble himself and rise again, relying on the infinite strength of God." Divine Intimacy, p. 885 Father Gabriel, O.C.D.
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Credo Catholic
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 02:22 am |
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| Most parishes publish their confession hours in the phone book and you can also call a church office and find out when they have confession. There is a difference of opinion on this, but some people will go to another parish if there is something they want to confess but are holding back because of this fear of recognition. A priest won't usually know if you are one of his parishioners, and I see people in our confession line who I've never seen in church. Some people say this is not the right approach and they are welcome to their opinion, but I think if it helps you get through it, and in a quicker amount of time, then go for it. This shouldn't be a regular habit, but it can be a way of getting a particularly difficult confession out.
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CajunRick
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 02:53 am |
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Laughing Elf wrote: My question is simple: "After confessing personal sins to a parish priest, how do I look him in the eye afterwards?"
There is an old story of a mystic who carried a message from God to the pope. For verification, the pope asked him to ask God what the pope had confessed. The answer was "I forgot", and by that statement, the pope knew that the message was legitimate.
Through the blessed sacrament of Penance, our lives are written in God's Eternal Ink. The priest's mission is to forgive and forget. The sanctity of the confessional is the most sacred obligation on earth, recognized by every court in the United States and most of the courts in the world. In those areas where it is not recognized, priests have frequently died rather than give up what has been confessed.
And if a priest should reveal what is heard in the confessional, even to the person who confessed the sin, he is guilty of the most grevious mortal sin and immediately excommunicated. To be reinstated, he must personally appear before the pope and request reinstatement, which only the Holy Father can grant.
This is not a matter the priest, the Church, or God Almighty, takes lightly.
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Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
Luquette Lane
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Kayla
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 03:36 am |
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Also, just to add on to what others here have stated... I've heard that priests are trained, to a certain degree, to forget what they've heard in the confessional.
But I feel you on this issue. Here at school we have three different priests who hear confessions. I know and speak with all three frequently, and they know me. They know the sound of my voice, so even in choosing to confess behind a screen rather than face to face, they know that it is me confessing. So it can be hard sometimes.
Honestly, though, I think we should give our priests some credit. They take their job as priest very seriously and I think they take with utmost care to be sure that they are truly acting in persona Christi. They know that when they are listening to someone confess, that their job is to confer absolution and offer advice as fit. I like to think that if they do ever think/judge, it is in a positive light. Much like that father who was over joyed when his son returned, I think the priest is over joyed that you are at the confessional, and I can only imagine the look in his eyes (you ask how you can ever look him in the eyes) would be one of compassion and love, if anything.
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I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.
Jesus, I trust in You!
There's not a lot of job security for us after death. I suppose that's one advantage of being a philosopher. - Peter Kreeft
http://kayla23mount.blogspot.com/
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sewnsew
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 02:20 pm |
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I routinely go to another parish for confession- not for reasons of embarrassment but for pure scheduling purposes- the other parish's schedule fits in with another appointment in town whereas my own parish would require juggling. I have found that my most freeing confessions are the routine ones- the ones done in a Holy season such as Lent or Advent I find I am rushed and so is the Priest- I think we are both conscious of the long waiting lines. I can't do any thing about the Lent Line but next year if I can manage ( and am not in need of cleansing from any mortal sins of course) I will schedule confession right before Advent and right after! In the routine confessions the Priest takes the time to really ask about anything and we talk some about the whys and why nots and how to actually make an improvement in that area of need whereas last week it was more " have you thought about why you did or said __________, We all l share this sin ( impatience) so here is your penance..... In defense of the priests though all three booths were busy right into the 5:00 pm mass
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BeProf
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 04:12 pm |
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I can't speak from a sacramental perspective but even from a simple pastoral counseling perspective... you probably aren't telling him anything he hasn't heard before.
Also don't forget that your priest was a ordinary man before he was ordained and remains one today. He probably struggled with the same things at some point in his life and may even continue to struggle with them today.
He's heard it all, believe me, and he's done his share of it to boot. I don't mean one whit of disrespect to your priest or anybody else, but I can say with a high degree of certainty that he's a sinner who needs Jesus, just like you and me.
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CajunRick
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 05:11 pm |
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BeProf wrote: I can't speak from a sacramental perspective but even from a simple pastoral counseling perspective... you probably aren't telling him anything he hasn't heard before.
I don't think many priests have had confessions of murder but short of that, I think it is highly doubtful we will spring anything "new" on them unless they're newly ordained!
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
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Intercessor
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Posted: Tue Feb 26th, 2008 05:18 pm |
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BeProf wrote:
Also don't forget that your priest was a ordinary man before he was ordained and remains one today. He probably struggled with the same things at some point in his life and may even continue to struggle with them today.
He's heard it all, believe me, and he's done his share of it to boot. I don't mean one whit of disrespect to your priest or anybody else, but I can say with a high degree of certainty that he's a sinner who needs Jesus, just like you and me.
Ed is exactly on target here, Rod.
I have sometimes noticed a confessor nodding as I have presented my sins (face-to-face confession) as if he's thinking, "Yeah, me, too." He's there not only as Christ's representative to us but also as an humble, compassionate fellow sinner who thinks it's just great that you came to confession.
Last edited on Tue Feb 26th, 2008 05:23 pm by Intercessor
____________________
"He who will persevere unto the end is not he who will never fall, but he who after every fall will humble himself and rise again, relying on the infinite strength of God." Divine Intimacy, p. 885 Father Gabriel, O.C.D.
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Laughing Elf
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Posted: Wed Feb 27th, 2008 02:30 am |
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Intercessor wrote: [size=BeProf wrote:
Also don't forget that your priest was a ordinary man before he was ordained and remains one today. He probably struggled with the same things at some point in his life and may even continue to struggle with them today.
He's heard it all, believe me, and he's done his share of it to boot. I don't mean one whit of disrespect to your priest or anybody else, but I can say with a high degree of certainty that he's a sinner who needs Jesus, just like you and me.
Ed is exactly on target here, Rod.
I have sometimes noticed a confessor nodding as I have presented my sins (face-to-face confession) as if he's thinking, "Yeah, me, too." He's there not only as Christ's representative to us but also as an humble, compassionate fellow sinner who thinks it's just great that you came to confession.]
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Posting my question here has been a very reassuring and positive experience. It is almost too good to hope for a sacred penitential experience such as confession. Your answers have convinced me that while this experience is quite out of the ordinary for a life long protestant, it seems to be a true spiritual gem. It seems that one's confessor becomes a 'spiritual friend' in a very special sense. The difference, as you have told me, is that he can pronounce your sins forgiven.
Kayla's phrase " they are truly acting in persona Christi." really resonates with me.
I was also enlightened on the concept of a confessor being in a long term relationship with you. This really blew my mind, and made the idea of going to a priest for confession a much warmer idea.
Intercessor's comment: "He's there not only as Christ's representative to us but also as an humble, compassionate fellow sinner who thinks it's just great that you came to confession."
Actually brought me to the point where I'd like to quicken my journey toward the RCC .
Blessings,
Rod
____________________
"Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight."
Tolkien, LOTR I
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Intercessor
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 03:09 am |
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I thought of something today that might be interesting to those of you who have not yet made a first confession. It gives a bit of insight into how a priest might respond to certain things.
Among many other sins, I confessed the following in my first confession:
In the first grade there was a little boy named Horace (not real name). He had nothing. He was poor, very unattractive, and lacked intelligence. His parents kept him out of school sometimes to help on the farm. Sometimes the teacher led him up to her desk and paddled him (as we watched) because he broke rules and slept in class.
In a fit of boredom one day, I looked around the room for some diversion and spotted him breaking a rule. Regarding the excitement of his being paddled as a relief from the classroom monotony, I tattled on him.
As I tearfully told my confessor, it was one of the meanest, most selfish things I have ever done.
Included in my penance was this requirement:
"Read the story of the good Samaritan in the New Testament, and from now on, whenever you think of that boy, say an Our Father for him."
If I live to be an old lady, that will be a lot of prayers since the Lord brings him into my thoughts regularly. Every time I remember him and continue my penance, I am reminded of how self-centered, unkind, and unmerciful I am apart from God's grace.
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"He who will persevere unto the end is not he who will never fall, but he who after every fall will humble himself and rise again, relying on the infinite strength of God." Divine Intimacy, p. 885 Father Gabriel, O.C.D.
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CajunRick
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 03:59 am |
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Intercessor wrote: [size=Included in my penance was this requirement:
"Read the story of the good Samaritan in the New Testament, and from now on, whenever you think of that boy, say an Our Father for him."]
A wise priest. The young man will no doubt benefit from your prayers and good wishes; you are released from a lifetime of guilt; and you are exercising the most moral of all behaviors, the one which gives you no gain.
I remember hearing once that ethics is what we do when others are watching; morals are what we do when we're alone.
A career criminal raped a close family member of mine. He committed suicide rather than get caught. I sincerely doubt if anyone evera prays far him. I think the Fatima prayer was written for him: "Lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of thy mercy." I do know at least one person who prays for him, however. I do. I'm not saying that to promote myself or anything like that. It's just that it's what I think a Christian is called to do. It is very hard for me to love him, so I must make that effort.
His name is Clifton. Please join me in praying for his soul. He is truly in most need of God's mercy.
____________________
Understanding is the reward of faith. Therefore seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand. - Augustine
Rick Luquette
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Luke12:48
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 05:08 am |
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I have had issues with this since I am in a small parish where I am very involved and frequently see and work with the priest outside the confessional. I think it helped that I returned to the church at the same time I started volunteering there so both "roles" grew at the same time.
However, so much does depend on the priest and his approach. I try to go to the same one and I really think that helps with ongoing growth and advice but have also gone to others when necessary. When I think back to the priests I knew in the past, there are many that I just can't imagine being able work with and then see for confession. I think the approach, advice and genuine concern for my growth that he offers far outweighs the discomfort I might feel at times. He is also very humble and as others have stated here, that seems to make a difference.
It may take time, but find what works for you. It doesn't hurt to take a little time to find a comfortable fit.
Also, read Lord, Have Mercy by Scott Hahn. It really made sense to me and I "got it" after that--15 years of Catholic school and I never had a clue.
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germangreek
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 01:39 pm |
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| One associate at my parish once told me that he honestly doesn't remember what he's been told in the confessional and I believe him. I wonder how it works for fellows like St. Gerard Majella or John Vianney, who could read consciences? Is it a momentary charism for the purposes of the sacrament?
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"The purpose of an open mind, like that of an open mouth, is to close it on something solid." GK Chesterton.
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Annie
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 04:06 pm |
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CajunRick wrote: Please join me in praying for his soul. He is truly in most need of God's mercy.
I will do that because I will be the second poorest soul in purgatory some day. If I am lucky. They pray for the poorest soul but not for the second poorest, see?
I will also dedicate some of my physical trials for him. This morning I was comical trying to put on my boots.
praying away like mad,
____________________
Annie
Ora et labora
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Annie
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 04:07 pm |
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germangreek wrote: Is it a momentary charism for the purposes of the sacrament?
Yes, this appears to be what the Church teaches about this ability to forget. I have only had face to face confession so far and have decided it is not for me. One priest even makes eye contact and smirks. It makes you think "Jesus is smirking at me I must really be bad.":X
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Annie
Ora et labora
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Annie
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Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2008 04:09 pm |
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Intercessor wrote:[size=
Ed is exactly on target here, Rod.
I have sometimes noticed a confessor nodding as I have presented my sins (face-to-face confession) as if he's thinking, "Yeah, me, too." He's there not only as Christ's representative to us but also as an humble, compassionate fellow sinner who thinks it's just great that you came to confession.]
I had a priest actually tell me once, yes I had a problem with that too once. He gave me his own penance which worked.
____________________
Annie
Ora et labora
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Hidden One
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Posted: Fri Feb 29th, 2008 02:46 am |
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I must admit, as someone making my way throguh RCIA, I look forward more often to Confession than to Communion.
I am perhaps blessed in regards to Laughing Elf's original question - the parish I attend is not the one I go to RCIA at (sadly), and I shall be moving far away later this year, where I will have access to a chapel practically next door and a cathedral down the street, both well-stocked with priests. If I find I struggle with looking my confessor in the eye, I need not worry. Outside of the confessional, I will only a couple times mroe be obliged to see him, and even in it, only for a few months. And I will have the normal freedom of confessor-switching as well. Lord-willing, I shall be fine.
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1 John 4:7-12
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DaQuodJubes
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Posted: Fri Feb 29th, 2008 06:46 am |
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How can you look at priest in the eye after he has heard your confession? With the gleam and confidence that, through Him, you had heard the voice of God, "You are forgiven."
I am a former Lutheran pastor. While, for the most part, most Lutheran's have abandoned the practice of private confession, I had taught it and have heard many confessions. I realize that there are differences between Lutherans and Catholics on confession, and I am now with the Catholics, but there is also much in common, and I think I can say something from the perspective on one who has sat on the other side of the screen (so to speak, I have always been face to face seated before the altar).
1) It may simply be that I have a poor memory, but I really don't recall what is often confessed to me. But you know why? I don't care. Having spoken the absolution in the person of Christ, your sin is gone. And frankly, I have my own sins to worry about.
2) The confessions of sins is a righteous act, especially the confession of "big" and embarassing sins. I think it is more likely that a priest will admire you (because of the boldness the Holy Spirit has worked in you) because of your confession, which dares to lay it all out there, trusting in God to use him to absolve you.
3) In confession with your priest, you have a place where you can go where you can explore the deepest parts of our soul, with no fear of being publically embarassed or legally indicted. This is a place where you can go and talk about thing that you dare not talk about anywhere else. Now maybe it's just me, but that is just awesome. I can say things to my priest, the things that disturb me about myself the most, and it doesn't matter. I can have release. And I will receive forgiveness.
4) Go to your own priest! THAT is what he is there for! Look. Not only has he heard it all before, but HE is on the one God has given you to be your Father, the one who knows you and loves you anyway. He is Jesus to you. Let the fingers of him give you the Body of Christ in your mouth, be of the same body whose ears have heard your confession, and whose lips have spoken the forgiveness.
5) this is more for similar threads on this forum, and speaking to the those who are new to private confession... You are not going to "get it" until you "do it." When I started out as a Lutheran pastor, I agreed in principle with private confession and absolution because the Lutheran Confessions said it "should be retained" and "not abolished. And yet, from a practical point of view, I recieved forgiveness at the beginning of every Divine Service (just as Catholics do in the Mass), and I figured, my sins are forgiven there, at at the Eucharist. In fact, I heard private confession, before I had even given my own private confession. But after that first time, I realized I was stupid, and ignorant, and foolish, etc. etc. because I had failed to recognize one of the precious gifts of God. Anyway, this was after a youth conference where I had heard about 25 confessions. And when I came home, I decided that I needed give my own confession, and then I realized what it was all about. My point is, don't let fear, embarassment, or rationalizations get in your way. Confession is one of those things you can't understand from the outside. You have to do it, to understand what happens there and what difference it makes for you.
And that's all I have to say about that.
____________________
http://www.beatvsvir.blogspot.com
God in His omnipotence could not give more,
in His wisdom He knew not how to give more,
in His riches He had not more to give,
than the Eucharist. - St. Augustine
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Laughing Elf
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Posted: Sat Mar 1st, 2008 03:05 am |
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DaQuodJubes wrote:
3) In confession with your priest, you have a place where you can go where you can explore the deepest parts of our soul, with no fear of being publically embarassed or legally indicted. This is a place where you can go and talk about thing that you dare not talk about anywhere else. Now maybe it's just me, but that is just awesome. I can say things to my priest, the things that disturb me about myself the most, and it doesn't matter. I can have release. And I will receive forgiveness.
Dan,
Thanks for reminding me about exploring the deepest parts of our soul. In the past I've been blessed by knowing several close friends with whom we could bare our souls. Most of the time this took place around the camp fire late at night, but the dark night felt like a blanket as we were able to share openly the things we could not talk about "back in civilization".
Combine that feeling, with absolution and Confession seems like a blooming miracle.
Blessings,
Rod
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"Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight."
Tolkien, LOTR I
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Parodyonlife
Member
| Joined: | Mon Jan 14th, 2008 |
| Location: | Corning, New York USA |
| Posts: | 113 |
| First Name: | John | | Gender: | Male | | Faith History: | NEW CATHOLIC!!! W( ) ( )T!!! |
| Status: |
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Posted: Mon Mar 3rd, 2008 05:46 pm |
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Well I'm having a problem with the same thing. My parishes Priest comes over my house about twice a day cause I run his website and type some of his homilies. So Ihave first confession comming up and I'm a little freaked out. Is he not going to want to come around anoymore and all that. My mom had her first confession with him and what he said to her is "It's a Spiritual healing." You are going there to be forgiven not judged the reason you came is because you have judged yourself, and have come to be pardoned.
When the priest is in the confessional you are confessing your sins to God through a material Intercessor. Don' feel freaked out . God bless you, this is a big problem in th RCC that people face do I want to go to confession? Will the priest Judge me? If you fell uncomfortable in the confessional pray to God about it or talk to someone don't feel wierd it's a common thing amungst us new people and old people alike.
John
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