Last edited on Sun Aug 10th, 2008 08:44 pm by

Bless your heart, Darryl. You were almost in my camp---for a while I tried to be a good Baptist while paying attention to what the Holy Father said and thinking of him as the head of all Christians. We twist ourselves into some amusing (sad) distortions in our efforts to pacify God with partial compliance, don't we?

 I have been in emotional pain for the last couple of months. I have had many long prayer walks, and have hit spiritual rock bottoms.

Dear brother, I am almost relieved to hear you admit this. Frankly, I had been a bit concerned about you because it seemed you were almost having too easy a time of it (no need for others to respond that their own journeys were quick and painless since I know for a few that can happen). I believe Christ wants us to understand the cost of what we are doing, as much as we can at a given point. Great spiritual growth usually comes at a high cost, Darryl. Put simply, it hurts. It hurts like nothing else. A good study of St. John of the Cross makes this principle very clear.

What you call a spiritual rock bottom may, from God's perspective, be the very spot from which He can lift you into light, Truth, peace, and healing. Do not assume that suffering suggests you are on the wrong track. The Devil typically keeps folks very comfortable indeed except when they are moving nearer to union with God.

I am not researching the Catholic faith because it seems best as compared to where I am in life now.

 In fact I am battling with this. . . .

I also feel like I am leading my family and my decendants into a hard way. You are never sure of your salvation. In my children's minds right now, they are soundly saved. I feel like the chuch is not a place for kids. I am used to the freedom of a pentecostal church. I love to raise my hands in worship. I love to praise Him out loud with my mouth. I love to preach and see people's lives change as a result of it. With the exception of Father Corapi and a few others on EWTN I have not seen much 'good' preaching. . . .Where are the tongue and words of prophecy in the worship service? The bible clearly teaches that they are part of our times together. Could I stand up and give a prophetic word in a Catholic church? . . .

Part of me loves the liturgy, and beauty of the church. I want to partake of the eucharist. I want to be unified with the One church. I want to have the authority over me.

Good. Very good, because that is exactly what you need as the first step.
It's the only answer to the tantrums (I mean no disrespect or insensitivity here, Darryl, for your protests and concerns are no different from what mine were, really; and I think you're doing fine in this journey, especially since you remain docile and maintain contact with those who can help you and tell you the truth.), the tantrums that all these questions, fears, and complaints comprise. Why this? Why that? I don't like this. I don't want that. I'm afraid of this. What if that?

Darryl, most of us went through these tantrums and we tried to bargain with God. Satan is trying to make it look complicated. It's really very simple (hard, but simple):

1. What is the Truth? Where is Christ's true Church? Where can I find the Real Presence of Christ?

2. Am I willing to obey the Truth God has revealed to me and submit to the Authority of the true Church He established?

You just have to focus on those two questions first. There's time later to seek answers or comfort on the other issues (I grant they are scary and unsettling.) Until you have made peace with those two questions above, though, your heart and will are not in the right place.

 Why would God take me out of the place I have worked so hard to get into, so I can go to the Catholic church and be less effective?

As Mother Teresa wrote, God wants YOU, not your effective performance. All your hard work was about obedience and conformity to the will of God, not about what you could accomplish or what the pay-off would be later.

I am worried that my family and I are going to lose our zeal for God. We get filled at church and then give out to the world. I guess I haven't taken the eucharist yet. Actually I sat before the tabernacle yesterday for a while and was blessed.

Zeal is nothing if it is not based on Truth. I am not disputing your sincerity, nor am I disputing the value of your past ministry. Things have changed, though, Darryl. God has favored you with the grace to understand Truth regarding His true Church and the Real Presence. Now you must obey His call to come up higher. It is no longer enough to remain where you have been. You know too much now and will be held to a higher standard of accountability.

Yes, you felt the power of the Real Presence before the tabernacle. Keep going back. Take your wife. Train your children. Your responsibility as a father is to lead those children to Truth, Darryl. What safety is there for them if they are held captive outside Christ's true Church, away from the sacraments, away from the grace God longs to send into their lives through membership in the Catholic Church?

Granted, they will have free will and you have no guarantee of their future choices, but your job is to lead them to Truth. Let the Holy Spirit handle the rest. You will set the example and you will pray like crazy for them. Then you'll pray like crazy for your grandbabies.

 I just needed to get that out. I am changing my whole life. I do not take this lightly. I feel like throwing up my hands and saying forget it.

Yep, you needed to get that out. That's what we're here for. We've been there, done that ourselves. We understand. You're among friends (family actually) here. Yes, you are changing your whole life. Praise God! He has shown you the way to lead your whole family (and brought about your wife's cooperation!) to the Truth so that all of you have the best possible opportunity for salvation and union with God.

You perhaps need a little break from the stress of the journey. Do something fun. Read lighter stuff for a while. Play more with the children. Go out on a date with your wife, if you can manage that. Most important----it's time to spend more time in prayer, more time in Adoration, and probably less time in intellectual mastery.

(Bear with me.)

Absolutely. To the happy end! You're doing fine. I was face down on my living room carpet several times, weeping and begging God to make His will clear to me.

It's not easy. But it is simple.
It involves answering those two questions above.

In Christ's love,
Becky

Last edited on Sat Aug 16th, 2008 08:07 pm by Intercessor