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When only one converts
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susiedear
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 Posted: Sun Nov 5th, 2006 07:28 pm

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I have read "When Only One Converts" a couple of times because I relate so well to the stories in that book.  My husband supports my conversion, for which I am deeply grateful.  He will not study Catholic doctrine himself, but he does ask me about what I am learning and he supports my going to Mass and participation in parish life.  Compared to some of the stories I have read, I am thankful for the gift of having a loving, supportive husband.

Still, though, there are times when I feel lonely and wish that I weren't the only one in my family who is making this journey.  I pray that when I am officially received into the Church this Easter that my husband would be right next to me, yet I know that I have to accept it if that day never comes.

For those in this situation, how do you handle it?  There are times when I want to take my husband by the shoulders, shake him up, and tell him to wise up to the truth!  It's oh so hard to be patient.  I remind myself that it took God about 20 years before I submitted to His call, and that God is working in His own way and time with my husband. 

I'd love to hear your stories.  Thanks for reading, and thanks for sharing your wise insights.

Elizabeth



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But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life. St. Augustine

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JillD
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 Posted: Sun Nov 5th, 2006 10:07 pm

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Other than the fact that I haven't read the book, I could have written your post!  I'll be interested to hear what others have to say on this.  The biggest difficulty for me is that I've agreed to keep going to the Lutheran church that we have been going to and to try not to have things there be any different.  I also haven't told many people, including the Lutheran pastor, and so I feel like a hypocrite.  Though, I'm 95% sure I'm going through with this, that assurance hasn't always been that high and so I've hesitated, in case I change my mind.  THAT would really rock the boat.  Does your husband still go to church?  Do you go with him?  Does he ever go with you?



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"Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men." Ps 140

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bjbouwer
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 Posted: Sun Nov 5th, 2006 10:48 pm

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Hello Elizabeth -

Your husband sounds like mine.  I'm very grateful for what I have, too, even though I'd give anything to have him join me in the RCC.

I pray daily for my husband's enlightenment, and I hold faith that God will answer my prayer.  I just have to give in to whatever schedule God keeps on this one.  8-)

Until that time, I'm thankful that my husband is alive, healthy and happy.  I've read the book, and as you saw, you and I are pretty fortunate to have the husbands we do.

I'll pray for your situation as I pray for mine. 

 

 



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BodRod
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 Posted: Mon Nov 6th, 2006 06:01 am

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Hi Elizabeth,

It has been reversed here, at my house. My wife has been a very outspoken anti-Catholic while I try to attend every Sunday and all Holy Days of Obligation. Thanks to the acceptance of my older daughter of my new faith, my wife has calmed down some. In fact, she has bought me a crucifix ring, a large crucifix to wear on a gold rope and she has insisted that when I am helping serve the Holy Eucharistic, the medal I wear, which is brass, must be on a gold chain. This is somewhat confusing. It looks to me like a person who is most disrespectful to the religion is also demanding that respect be shown to the beliefs. On the brighter side, recently, she has been asking questions. Boy !!! Does that drive my spirit up !!!



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Darlene
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 Posted: Mon Nov 6th, 2006 01:48 pm

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Bodrod,

 How long have you been a Catholic and what faith, if any, were you prior to being a Catholic?

Darlene



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BodRod
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 Posted: Mon Nov 6th, 2006 02:19 pm

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Hi Darlene,

I was accepted into the Church during Easter, 2005. We were both raised as Seventh-day Adventists so it was a big change for me. I was a second generation SDA and she was a third generation SDA, including grandparents who were missionaries. We have not mentioned it to her family yet. (My family is no longer with us.) My wife is embarrassed about my membership in the RCC and she is afraid that her family will make fun of her and tease her about the risks of her joining the RCC. I did not want to upset her father who was about to turn 100 years old so I did not bring it up either. (BTW, he made it to 100 years, 2 months and 17 days and lived on his own until the last 2 months!)

The SDA church has some similarities to the Jewish faith. I found out that a fellow, with whom I used to work, had converted from the Jewish faith to the RCC. It was interesting to find out that we shared some of the same experiences in converting to the RCC. :)



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susiedear
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 Posted: Mon Nov 6th, 2006 11:04 pm

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Thanks to everyone who has responded.  While I wish that none of us were in the position of converting while married, it does help to have a dialog with others who are on this path.  I'll join my prayer with yours, that our partners will some day join us!

My husband was brought up in an agnostic home where no religion was practiced.  He became a Christian through a Pentacostal campus ministry while he was in college, which is how we met.  We now attend a Presbyterian church on Sunday morning and I go to Mass on Saturday.  We have two children, ages 9 and 12.  Sometimes they go to Mass with me, but it is rare.  My husband never goes.

Last Sunday morning at our Presbyterian church, the pastor said that he is a friend of the Evangelical pastor who was recently fired from his church and from heading the NAE.  Our pastor said something to the effect of: "That's what happens when you are not allowed to love as you are meant to love."  It was all I could do to stay in my pew.  What baffles me is that my husband will hear stuff like that and not get riled up, yet he's conservative and would thrive to sit under good orthodox teaching!  My local parish is solid and orthodox, and I take careful notes of the homilies so that I can pass on what I have learned.  I pray that the day will come when my husband will tire of the drivel he hears every Sunday and will hunger for some truth.

Thanks again for your kind responses.  I'll pray that the day will come when our spouses will also take the journey home.

Elizabeth



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But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life. St. Augustine

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highland
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 Posted: Tue Nov 14th, 2006 10:22 am

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:cool:

 

I was converted about 25 yrs ago.. left the church almost 10 yrs ago and made a comeback.. My wife was a protestant converted to catholicism when we got married in church and left to join her protestant friends after I left the church..

When some personal problems came up and I was feeling down and depressed , I came back and since then never look back.. I realised that living in the faith and in our Lord's and our Lady presene in so sweet,  depsite many setbacks and obstacles,

I always looking forward  to receive Our Lord everytime in Holy communion and feels very good attending daily mass if possible..

Dun give up hope, just cotinue to pray for yr loves ones who is not converted yet and by your actions they will see Christ in you.. of course you have to make the difference..

 

Peace and blessings..

 

 


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Steven Barrett
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 Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 11:05 am

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Maybe your husband will reconsider in light of the information you received about your pastor's friend, especially considering who the most recent president of the NAE was and why he's no longer in charge.



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Darlene
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 Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 01:42 pm

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Steven,

  What does the NAE stand for and why was this president removed from his position.  You need not give a name.

Darlene



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The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. II Corinthians 13:14

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CajunRick
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 Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 01:49 pm

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Darlene wrote:   What does the NAE stand for and why was this president removed from his position.  You need not give a name.

I assume he's talking about the Rev. Ted Haggard, who resigned from his church and his position as president of the National Association of Evangelicals after he was caught in some kind of homosexual activity.

You can read the details from Fox News here.


 



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Steven Barrett
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 Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 03:17 pm

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Yep Darlene,

That Ted Haggard.  Who in addition to his odd dalliances, is also quoted as saying that Catholics are less likely to be the ones who'd get us to the moon and other major national projects, etc. This guy still believes in the old WASP arguments used against Catholics in the business world.

Of course he forgot about the guy who challenged us to go to the moon in ten years.

A Catholic fellow named Jack Kennedy.

And, to think this guy had W's ear all this time: every week!



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RonRule
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 Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 06:02 pm

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I came into the Church this summer.

My wife attends a John MacArthur-ish type baptist church.  She does not try to stop me from doing Catholic things, but she is not supportive of my journey either.

She has no desire to hear explanations of Catholic doctrine or read books by Catholics.  If something comes up in conversation, she might ask for more details ("What the heck is a holy water font and why do you want to put one near our front door???").  Once she tried reading Rome Sweet Home and quit after a couple chapters, dismissing it as "stupid.  He changed his mind way too quickly".

But overall, we're still the best of friends and have a loving marriage.  I tell her little things about catholicism that I love and give what explanations I can.  We tease each other back-and-forth about being the Heretic of the family, etc.

I abstain from meat on most Fridays rather than doing a different penance.  Funny thing, she usually remembers this and plans accordingly better than I ever would!

"When Only One Converts" is a great book.  I need to read it again.  It and other concerned catholics just tell me to shut up.  Don't try to convert her.  Just live the faith and strive for holiness, kindness and all those oft-neglected virtues.

I pray the Rosary for her nearly every day, that she would see the beauty of fullness of the faith.


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Ruthie
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 Posted: Wed Nov 15th, 2006 07:25 pm

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Hi all,

I just thought I would add my own story here. I don't have anyone to talk to so it helps so much just to air things out to sympathizing ears, or eyes in this case.

I too am a convert, 17 years ago, from the Episcopal Church. I drifted away from the RC faith after a few years, left my husband (lapsed Episcopalian) of 28 years (difficult marriage), and married my high school sweetheart. We started going to the Episcopal Church then. After 9 years of a very happy remarriage, I have come back to the Catholic Faith, completely believing in all the Church's teachings this time. I talked to the priest at my local parish and found out that the Church considers my first marriage valid still, and I cannot receive any of the Sacraments or be in full communion with the Church until the marriage issue is settled. My present husband was married twice before. So we would both need to petition for a declaration of nullity of all 3 marriages. I started the process but my husband will not go through with it, even though he is totally supportive of my reversion to the Catholic Faith in every other way. His main reason is that he does not want his former spouses notified which is required.

So I am really stuck. I feel like I'm in limbo, living in adultery, and never being able to go to confession, which I badly need to do, or receive communion unless I'm on my deathbed. It has been a huge weight on me this last 9 months and caused me a lot of stress, not knowing how to view my present marriage. I cannot even imagine separating from my husband over this. So I guess there is nothing to do but pray that he will change his mind.



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Sally Jo
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 Posted: Mon Dec 11th, 2006 05:53 pm

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Susiedear,

Can you share anything about your plans for teaching your children about Catholism? Your kids are about the same ages as mine. Right now my children aren't in CCD although they may start next year. I just wondered how and what you are able to share with them?

Sally


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susiedear
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 Posted: Mon Dec 11th, 2006 09:21 pm

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What a great question, Sally!  My children are not able to attend CCD out of deference to my husband's wishes.  Even so, I can see many ways that my burgeoning Catholic faith is having an impact on my family.  When we say grace at mealtime, we end it with the sign of the cross, which is new and which they like.  When my children accompany me into the parish on the odd occasion that they do, I also mark them with the sign of the cross after dipping my fingers in holy water.  One afternoon my son and I went into the parish and he learned about the Stations of the Cross -- it was a sweet blessing for us both!  They respect the fasting I do during Lent and now in Advent, and they join me for meatless Fridays.  But more than giving up meat, they know why we do it.  Thanks be to God!

I get a monthly publication from Our Sunday Visitor called Take Out.  On the back is a calendar with suggested activities and readings, some sacred, some not, and it also lists the Sunday gospel reading and asks a few questions about how we will apply what the Scripture teaches us.  We started having our Sunday gospel reading and discussion a couple of months ago and not only do my kids love it, my husband does too!  During Advent, when the sun is down, we have a second reading along with the lighting of a candle.  I love passing on these customs and traditions to my family.

Thanks for asking, Sally.  How old are your kids, and what do you do to practice your Catholic faith with your family?  I'd love to learn more ideas!

Elizabeth



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But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life. St. Augustine

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Prodigal Daughter
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 Posted: Mon Dec 11th, 2006 11:24 pm

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When I started to believe that the Catholic Church was the true Church that Jesus founded, I felt so scared and depressed.  I'll never forget the day it hit me in the car after listening to a tape by Jeff Cavins "I'm Not Being Fed."  I just sat in my car and wept.  I wept for all of the years I had searched for "more of God" at Bible studies, retreats, home groups, Charismatic prayer meetings, etc. never realizing that Jesus was truly present in the Church of my childhood.  I wept out of fear that my husband would never return to the Church and that I would lose all of my friends and be rejected by family. 

That was February 1999, and it was five long years before we came back to the Church together.  I began by boldly proclaiming the truth to my husband and turning him off.  That sent me underground and I started sneaking around going to Mass and then confession without telling him and almost destroyed our marriage.  That lead to a firm resolve to focus on saving my marriage so I threw  out all of my Catholic books to prove my love for him and promised not to "go Catholic."  We began attending a Methodist church and while there I did a lot of praying and meditating and thinking.  The longing to be Catholic did not go away but this time I was open and honest about my feelings, sharing with him my desire to learn more about Catholicism.  After a while I went on Catholic retreats now and then and began watching EWTN.  Six months before we returned to the Church, I woke up one morning and asked, "How would you feel if I started going to Mass?" After some discussion, he agreed and I started going to morning Mass and praying the Rosary daily, without receiving the Eucharist.  After a couple of months, I began attending Sunday Mass after going to the Methodist church.  One Sunday morning we woke up late for the Methodist church and my husband asked "What time is Mass?"  Before I knew it we were walking hand in hand to Sunday Mass.  Within weeks, my husband began to have a miraculous re-version back to the Church.  Our marriage was con-validated on April 30, 2004. 

That is 5 years in one paragraph.  As you may well imagine, many things happened in between.  When he tells others about his re-version, I do notice that he emphasizes that I did not push him at all.  I 'm glad about that.



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Sally Jo
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 Posted: Wed Dec 13th, 2006 02:04 pm

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My children are the same ages as yours. We have many similar devotional practices that we do as a family--morning prayers and a Saint story and Bible reading each night with our evening prayers. My prayer is that the children and my husband all start CCD/RCIA next fall. Right now we often attend Sunday Mass as a family, but of course they are not able to receive the Eucharist.  Since our parish has a very generous Sunday and weekday Mass schedule, I can always attend Mass even if they are not coming with me.


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jumpdog
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 Posted: Fri Dec 29th, 2006 02:01 pm

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Elizabeth,

My story is a sad one, but one that is not finished.

I am a cradle-catholic, but I drifted off into the "if it feels good- do it" culture of the 1980's after I left home.  Sex, drugs, and work (at a popular bar) were my priorities.  I did go to mass, but not regularly (and certainly not to confession).  So, I was really a mess.  When I met my wife, all of my mixed-up priorities were replaced with her.  When we decided to get married (after cohabitating), she was not "comfortable" with getting married in the Church (especially me signing the special dispensation).  She wasn't even baptized when we met, but she joined a very large presbyterian church (and was baptized there).  I did inquire about the special dispensation (I wasn't even sure that it was required anymore), but I was given some hypocritical advice by the priest: "You have to sign it to be married in the church.  Whether you abide by it is entirely up to you."  I decided that I didn't need "that kind of church" to get married, and we were married in the presbyterian church.

Except for Xmas and Easter, we didn't even bother to go to church.  And when we did go, it was her choice (non-denominational service at a local park, etc.).  After 2 children, 2 layoffs (one being 2 weeks before the 2nd was born), and a severe depression, I decided that I needed to go back to church.  I had some idea that she did not like the Catholic Church, but I had no idea that she would actually be "anti-catholic".  She made it very hard to go to mass on time.  She would go as far as threatening to leave (with the kids) right then and there if I went to mass.  She eventually got used to the idea that I would "disappear" for a couple of hours on Sunday mornings.  Even though I was attending mass, I still didn't bother to go to confession.

Then, I had a very powerful conversion experience.  It had to do with my constant doubt as to whether Christ really died on the Cross.  I resolved to never allow those doubtful "seeds" to grow ever again (I remember the date and time-- March 18 2000 at 1:00 pm), and my life has not been the same since.  God has blessed me with an ever-deepening faith, and a powerful prayer life to boot (I adore saying the Rosary)!

My conversion has been a constant thorn in her side.  She even asked me one day "do you want to be a priest?" (and implying that our marriage was a mistake and that I would want a divorce).  She also did not want to baptize our 2 boys.  I finally put my foot down and insisted that they be baptized (they were 8 and 6 yrs old by that time, and it was at a local presbyterian church).  One good thing came about-- she now "quasi-regularly" goes to Sunday school with the boys.

Summer of 2001 was a bad year for technologies (dot-com bust) and I was laid off in August.  I had found a job by October, but I worked for a true workaholic (and he expected us to be one as well).  However, he ended up firing me at the beginning of Jan 2002.  I went to my parish priest for a long talk.  It was then that he pointed out that since we were not married in the church, I should not be receiving the sacraments.  I was devastated.  I had no idea that I was receiving unworthily (I had even gone to confession twice in the previous 6 months).  I stopped receiving, and I also asked my wife to convalidate our marriage.  She flatly refused.  I begged and pleaded with her on several occasions, but to no avail.

I have met several catholics who don't agree with my refusal to obstain from the sacraments.  I even have had someone try to "sneak" a piece of the Eucharist to me (I refused), and I have had a priest do a homily about me (he felt that we should not deny ourselves the Eucharist for any reason).  However, I have put my faith in Holy Mother Church and obeyed.

We recently moved to a new house, and I started attending another parish closer to the new house.  They have a very lively contemporary choir, and I felt God calling me to join  (I play guitar).  She again resisted me saying that "it takes away from family time" (practice and Sunday).

This is just a brief summary of my faith journey with my wife.  As I stated above, it's not over yet.  I could leave her and get an annulment (defect of form) since we married outside of the Church, and Satan whispers this in my ear almost everyday.  However, I have faith in God and hope that He will lead us out of our own mess.

I constucted this cross on my own, and God let me do it because of the gift of a free will.  However, He has also blessed me with many gifts and faithful friends that have helped to sustain me though this desert.  I know that He loves me and my wife, and I trust He will lead us (regardless if she knows it or not).  I have assumed my role as spiritual leader of this family-- I pray for all of them everyday.  I pray that God will give them the gift of a strong faith and a desire to know the fullness of His truth that can only be known through Holy Mother Church.


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Truthseeker
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 Posted: Fri Dec 29th, 2006 09:43 pm

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Jumpdog,

My story is much like yours. 

Love,

Laura



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susiedear
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 Posted: Sun Dec 31st, 2006 08:19 pm

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Dear Jumpdog, thank you for sharing your story.  I will pray that your wife will become supportive of your desire to be in full communion with the Catholic Church. 

Elizabeth



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But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the return you get is sanctification and its end, eternal life. St. Augustine

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Steven Barrett
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 Posted: Thu Jan 4th, 2007 12:10 pm

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:D Take care of your husband and be awfully, terribly, overwhelmingly and a few other "ly" ways of being grateful for God giving you such a patient man.

Give him some time and be very patient. He wants to see what you're seeing, but indirectly through your dedication. (Hope that sounds right.)

All the best things in life take time, that includes Faith.



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GoFisher
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 Posted: Mon Jan 15th, 2007 06:07 pm

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Ah ha!  so THAT answers my question of why I should consider it a blessing to still be single while I have been following the orders of The Holy Spirit around the world and around Christianity.  Thanks for sharing with us here.



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Love, hear + obey God: go fish! (me)
+ The Word became flesh... (St. John 1:14)
Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ. (St. Jerome)
+ Follow Me... fishers of men. (St. Matthew quotes The Lord Jesus)

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Steven Barrett
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Joined: Tue Nov 14th, 2006
Location: Hadley, Massachusetts USA
Posts: 894
First Name: Steven
Gender: Male
Faith History: Catholic, Episcopal communicant, Baptist, Catholic
Status:  Offline
 Posted: Sat Feb 17th, 2007 02:43 pm

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Didn't that pastor friend of Ted Haggard have a clue as to the difference between real love and getting hypocritical hits with a male prostitute?

No wonder the mainline is helping the Catholic Church fill its pews again and Protestant megachurches grow.



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For anybody interested in reading commentary from a Catholic's socially conservative/fiscally liberal viewpoint, go to my new blog at http://www.politicsramble.com/ .

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